To the Committee for State Prizes of Israel: "Dear Sirs! I nominate myself for the state prize and enclose my books in Russian and Hebrew, as well as publications in the Russian and Hebrew press. Sincerely, M. Belenky."
Response: "Dear Mr. Belenky! Recommendations of candidates for the Israel State Prize must be filled out on a special form, which we are sending you. After filling out the form, send it to the specified address, and then we will forward the materials you sent to the members of the State Prize Committee for review."
I sent them the form, but for some reason there are no results yet.
To Her Majesty Elizabeth II, Queen of England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales: "Your Majesty! I congratulate you on Christmas and wish you and all the English people happiness and health. Maryan Belenky, writer and journalist."
The response to this letter was an invitation to a reception at the embassy.
To the Department of Foreign Publications of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea: "Dear Comrades! I, like all progressive humanity, closely follow the successes of socialism in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. The victoriously marching throughout the world Juche ideas, developed by the great leader dear comrade Marshal-Father Kim Il-sung and creatively developed by the beloved leader respected comrade Kim Jong-il, are a guiding star for all peoples of the world. I ask you to send me the magazines 'Korea' in Russian, so that I and my comrades may know even more about the wonderful successes of the Korean people in the construction of socialism, the embodiment of the great ideas of the Marshal-Father, the great leader, leading the Korean people to victory and glory under the proudly unfurled banner of the three revolutions of the respected leader dear comrade Kim Il-sung and the beloved leader respected comrade Kim Jong-il."
Since then, the Korean comrades have regularly sent me wonderful anti-communist magazines 'Korea', which contain beautiful color photo illustrations to Orwell.
To the Director of Bank Discount: "Dear Mr. Director! Five years ago I opened an account at a branch of your bank. Since then, my account has been constantly in the red, and often even overdrawn. I ask you to look into this outrage and take measures to ensure that this does not happen again."
"Dear Mr. Belenky! To obtain a bank loan, contact the manager of the branch where you have an account."
To the Postal Authority: "Dear Sirs! I am outraged to the depths of my soul! My letters addressed to Messiah ben David and Lord Adonai Elokeinu were returned with the stamp 'Addressee unknown.' And this is the Israeli postal service?! Shame and disgrace! This address is known to every child: Jerusalem, Old City, Dung Gate, Western Wall. Please deliver the letter to its destination. As for the letter addressed to the Messiah, please keep it until the addressee is able to receive it."
To the Israeli Security Service Mossad: "Dear Sirs! The writing of this letter was prompted by historical parallels. It is known that the security service of Tsarist Russia – the so-called 'Third Section of His Imperial Majesty's Chancellery' – actively helped writers. Thus, A. S. Pushkin twice received money from the Third Section to publish a newspaper, and it was with this money that the 'Literary Gazette' was founded. When Nikolai Nekrasov lost 'Sovremennik' at cards, the Third Section lent him money to buy back the publication. There is data on assistance from the Third Section to other Russian writers, for example, Gogol during his stay in Italy. Based on the foregoing, why shouldn't the Israeli security service help a writer-repatriate?" Then a list of publications, titles, etc.
Six months later, I received from a completely unknown foundation 3,500 shekels with a brief notice: "Dear Mr. Belenky! Our foundation has decided to grant you financial assistance." I know all the literary foundations in the country and am sure that I did not apply to this one...
To the Ministry of Communications of Israel: "Dear Sirs! You are being addressed by writer Maryan Belenky (listing of publications, books, etc.). Based on the foregoing, I request that a stamp with my portrait be issued."
Response: "Dear Maryan Belenky! In response to your letter of ... we inform you that in Israel it is not customary to issue stamps with portraits of living people. We wish you further success in your creative work."
To the Municipality of Jerusalem: "Dear Sirs! You are being addressed by writer Maryan Belenky (listing of merits). Based on the foregoing, I request that a memorial plaque be installed on the house where I lived in Jerusalem (address).
Response: "Dear Maryan Belenky! Your letter has been forwarded to the Commission for Street Names and Memorial Plaques."
To the Israel Prison Service: "Dear Sirs! You are being addressed by writer Maryan Belenky (list of merits and publications). I am currently working on a story from Israeli life, and one of its characters ends up in prison in the course of the plot. However, this aspect of Israeli life is unfamiliar to me. On this basis, I request that I be placed in prison for a few days as an ordinary prisoner. I undertake to pay for all services."
Response from the Deputy Director of the Prison Service: "Dear Mr. Belenky! We are forced to refuse your request. In our country, there is no possibility to put a person in prison without the sanction of judicial authorities, even at his own request. The press secretary of the Prison Service can answer your questions about the nature of prisoner detention. There is also the possibility of organizing a tour of one of the country's prisons at the request of the institution you represent."
To the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine: "Dear Sirs! The Kyiv confectionery factory, which was called or is called the Karl Marx factory, until 1918 belonged to my grandfather Solomon Bilenky, of whom I am the only descendant. Regarding the ownership and inheritance of the factory, I have all the relevant documents. Please inform me in what form the government of Ukraine will compensate me for the value of the factory. I agree to receive a one-time compensation in the amount of 500 thousand US dollars."
There has been no response for two years. However, if my grandfather had owned a factory not in Kyiv but in Riga, then I would have had significantly fewer problems in life.
Maryan BELENKY,
Jerusalem, Israel.
Specially for "Zagranitsa".