"Israel is a wonderful country, but only for those who are ready and willing to live in it."
Israelis are not Jews
Israelis descended from Jews, as humans from apes. But the difference between Jews and Israelis is no less than between chimpanzees and humans. The mentality of Israelis differs significantly, and sometimes is directly opposite to the mentality of the Jews we knew from the former Soviet Union.
Approaching an Israeli with the usual standards and stereotypes of a Jew is completely wrong. A typical Israeli, especially one from North African countries (and such make up half of Israel's Jewish population), is closer in mentality to the peoples of Central Asia. Repatriates and tourists, due to natural circumstances, have little contact with the Israeli intelligentsia of Ashkenazi origin. Various contractors, agents of employment agencies – they are either Russians or people from Eastern countries.
Culture of Deception and Fraud
The desire to deceive one's neighbor is a natural and immanent feature of the Israeli mentality, recorded in scientific and fiction literature, pop culture, and jokes. In any contact with an Israeli, you must first think – how can he deceive me and how can I protect myself from it. One of the favorite words in Israeli slang is "frayer" – a person who lets himself be deceived. The favorite saying of an Israeli: "What, am I a frayer?" A tourist or immigrant who does not know Hebrew, and therefore Israeli customs, evokes in a normal Israeli a subconscious desire to "fleece" the frayer. We will tell you how to protect yourself from deception and fraud in the following chapters.
Behavior Strategy
Israelis behave quite freely, which in the eyes of many "Soviet" people is perceived as insolence or cheekiness.
A simple example: you come to an office, and there is no chair next to the official's desk. Do not wait for him to invite you to sit – boldly take a chair standing by another desk or go into the next room (but then you need to ask if you can take the chair). This is exactly the behavior that will be perceived in Israel as a sign of an initiative-taking, independent person.
The modesty and refinement we brought from our former homeland are perceived by Israelis as a sign of weakness and insecurity. The optimal behavior strategy in Israel is calm self-confidence. Talk about your successes to everyone, about failures to no one. Slightly emphasizing your positive qualities while keeping quiet about shortcomings is the best strategy in contacts with people. What would be considered insolence in the countries of the former Soviet Union is perceived here as a sign of self-confidence.
Etiquette of Communication
In Hebrew, there is no formal "you." Its equivalent is a rarely used third-person address, for example, "Eifo adoni gar." This is how you will be addressed in the police (if you are brought there not under escort).
The polite "kvodo" (like "your excellency") is also used. It is mandatory when addressing a rabbi ("kvodo ha rav"), a judge ("kvodo ha shofet"), and high state officials ("kvodo ha sar" – Mr. Minister). In everyday life, addressing someone as "kvodo" is seen as showing off. Even the general director of your company should be addressed as "adon menahel" (Mr. Director), or better by surname ("adon Rabinovich").
"Haver" (comrade) is quite acceptable, as is the familiar address "habub," "habibi" (similar to the Georgian "hey, listen, dear" with a pat on the shoulder), and the ironic "ahi," "ahoti" (my brother, my sister).
The greeting "Shalom aleichem" is outdated. In the afternoon, people say "Tzohoraim tovim." Any official or just a person you are talking to will say at the end of the conversation, "She yehiye lecha yom na'im" – I wish you a good day.
When meeting, even barely acquainted Israelis exchange a few meaningless phrases. Nevertheless, these phrases are mandatory if you want to maintain contact with this person and do not want to be considered sullen and impolite: "Shalom, ma nishma? A kol beseder? Ma shlomcha?" (Hello, how are you? Everything okay? How's your health?). To all these questions, there is only one answer: "Beseder" or "Beseder gamur" (Arabic version "Mabsut khalas"). You must answer "beseder" even if you are being taken to the cemetery.
Culture of Pulling Strings
Bribes are not common in Israel. What is done with money on one-sixth of the Earth's land is done here through connections. Even in job application forms, there is often a section: "Who from our company's employees can recommend you?" An Israeli constantly relies in his life on acquaintances from home, kindergarten, school, army, university, courses, clubs, synagogue, work.
Therefore, one of the main tasks of a repatriate is to acquire social connections as quickly as possible, to make contacts with Israelis – at work, in the neighborhood, in the store, synagogue, etc. A random contact can lead you to people who will help solve many problems. Going "from Moshe" is a natural and accepted way of solving problems. Therefore, the main condition for achieving success in Israel is sociability, goodwill, contactability, the ability and desire to please others, especially those on whom the solution to your problems depends. A non-contactable, sullen, withdrawn person has no chance of success in our country. Even when appointing a minister, personal connections are used, let alone other areas. "It's not what you know, it's who you know" – this is the main Israeli principle.
Through connections, people get prestigious jobs, promotions, a good cell in prison, apartments and financial aid, placement in a prestigious combat army unit, and burial. Therefore, it is important from the first day in Israel to strive to establish contacts with Israelis, not to isolate oneself in the circle of "Russians." And it doesn't matter that your acquaintance sells tomatoes at the market; perhaps his classmate works exactly in the field you need.
You Come to an Official
An Israeli official has greater freedom of action and authority than a Soviet one in the same position. A "pakid" (official, clerk) even in a small position is not inclined to push the issue upward.
An Israeli official is often called "a nail without a head" – easy to hammer in, impossible to pull out. He turns to a superior only in very complex cases that exceed his authority.
No matter how urgent your business is, do not try to attract the official's attention by coughing, glancing at your watch, or directly addressing him. If the "pakid" is busy with another employee or visitor, arm yourself with patience. When your turn comes, he will deal with your problems. During the conversation, the official may be distracted by phone calls or conversations with other workers, may leave you waiting for him. Your task is to resolve your business, not to change Israeli customs. Therefore, never criticize the official! The most unpromising way to solve your problems in institutions is to create a scandal.
Do not threaten the official with complaints – this will only turn him against you. An Israeli official is not afraid of complaints – as a rule, he cannot be fired. The phrase "I'll complain to the management" evokes healthy laughter at the "Soviet" who does not understand Israeli ways. You might as well threaten him with the party regional committee.
The best thing is to arouse sympathy in the official, a desire to help you. To do this, you can try to establish informal contact immediately.
Another, less effective way is to appeal to pity, to squeeze out a tear. "I am so unhappy, alone with three children, no money, no job, no one but you can help me. Be a human, all hope is on you, I immediately felt trust in you..."
If both the official and the visitor are women, the best topic for contact is children. Especially if the "pakida" has a photo of her kids on the desk. If both the official and the visitor are men, then the topics of conversation are sports, politics, cars, "these damned Arabs have become completely insolent." In the latter case, the main thing is not to run into an Arab official. However, after a few years of living in Israel, I could easily identify an Arab even from behind.
Avoid expressing your political and religious (anti-religious) views to strangers – it may well turn out that your position is directly opposite to that of your interlocutor.
Letters to Institutions
In most cases, to solve problems, you do not need to go to an institution but can send a letter. A well-written letter will find the right addressee, saving you a lot of time, nerves, and energy.
Attach copies of necessary documents to the letter. Written in Russian, today it usually reaches the addressee – all institutions have Russian speakers. In addition, in this case, you will receive a reply in Russian as well. Nevertheless, it is worth spending a couple of shekels to have the letter translated into Hebrew, which will speed up the resolution of your problem – the institution will not need to find a translator or a Russian-speaking employee. However, in this case, you will receive a reply in Hebrew. If you do not know Hebrew, do not give your phone number, but give the phone number of a person you trust to handle this issue.
Purchasing Goods and Services
Victims of fraud are people who show the fraudster that they are ready to fall for his bait. To avoid deception, follow these simple rules.
Do not pay for goods and services before the goods are delivered or you have verified that everything is fine and the service has been provided. The receipt ("kabala") for the purchase of goods or services is the only document on the basis of which you can demand a refund, exchange of goods, or redoing of poor work, as well as warranty repairs. Without a "kabala," nothing can be proven.
On the other hand, you can agree with the seller or craftsman on a transaction without a receipt ("bli kabala"), in which case the price is usually 20% lower, but you lose the above advantages. Therefore, you should agree to such transactions only if you know the seller or craftsman and are sure that he will exchange the goods or redo poor-quality work.
Try not to buy goods and products that do not have Hebrew labels. Such goods are outside the control of Israeli services.
How to Solve Everyday Problems?
The universal city telephone directory "Dapei Zahav" contains information about all services, shops, government institutions, as well as telephone company rules, civil defense instructions, a city map with all streets, and a lot of other useful information. Russian- and English-language directories are incomplete because they contain information only about Russian- and English-speakers. The directory has alphabetical and thematic indexes.
Where to Complain?
About the activities of government institutions – to the state comptroller "Misrad mevaker ha medina." Non-payment of wages on time – to the Ministry of Labor, police, labor court. If you are not paid your salary by the promised date, you must stop working immediately!
The main Israeli trick is that those who are ready for it get cheated. If the employer sees from your behavior that you will run to court and the police if you do not receive your money by the specified date, he will pay you, because he will face many troubles in case of non-payment, up to closure of his business and prison. If he sees a frayer who understands nothing about Israeli life or determines from the victim's behavior that there will be no complaints, the employer becomes insolent.
Sale of poor-quality goods, goods with expired shelf life – contact the Ministry of Industry and Trade. Poor-quality meat – veterinary inspection.
Sellers will gladly exchange poor-quality goods if you prove that you bought them from them; otherwise, the seller risks losing his reputation and facing a lot of trouble.
Successful absorption, and don't be frayers!
Maryan BELENKY,
Jerusalem, Israel.
Specially for "Zagranitsa."