Curiously, parents, having decided to send their child to school abroad, aim at a prestigious university, worry about food and safety, pocket money, wardrobe, and everything else. But there is no time to think about "that". Probably, the child is already "in the know". Maybe he will be able to handle the situation. Or maybe he will only think he is in control. Psychologists, for example, point to the phenomenon of a fantastic attitude toward events. When a young person perceives the world differently and subconsciously believes he is doing something that in fact has no significance... Has sex with random partners, drinks, smokes, and suffers from insomnia. In short, gathers a bouquet of troubles. Therefore, so that the child does not get stuck in depression, he should be prepared for the trip, explaining what he will see there and what lies ahead.
School that wants to be innocent
Foreign children usually enter private school at 14-16 years old. A tender age, which some philosophers call the age of "storm and stress" - for the school it's a headache, nerves, and a heart attack.
The school warns that on the territory - "no funny business". This is stated in a separate item of internal rules, called "boys and girls". For example, in a Swiss private school the rule sounds like this: "Boys and girls must demonstrate a certain restraint and mutual respect in expressing their feelings. Their behavior should not go beyond simple friendly relations. Exemplary behavior should be demonstrated everywhere, including in the pool..."
The territory is never left out of sight for a minute. Especially carefully guarded are small prestigious schools, which maintain a substantial staff of vigilant teachers. For example, one well-known school designed for 180 students has 70 teachers; in another, fifty teachers hold back the "onslaught" of 300 schoolchildren.
Order in the residences is monitored by a house master, that is, "master of the house". If the residence is entirely for girls or entirely for boys, the master blocks access to the opposite sex right at the entrance. In a mixed residence, a floor is assigned to girls and boys, and the master brings in assistants who prevent mixing of the sexes by blocking the way on each floor.
It is another matter if one goes outside the territory. As a rule, from five to seven in the evening there is free time, which can be spent in town with the permission of a teacher or parents. The child is told that he can go to the cinema, buy a cola and a cheeseburger, and is given a small sum. In the same Switzerland, for example, 80-100 francs. Until the child returns, the school is free from moral obligations, so if during the allotted time he manages to make love, the institution has nothing to do with it.
In any small town there are little hotels bed and breakfast, abbreviated b&b, literally "bed and breakfast". In England, for example, b&b costs 17 pounds, in Switzerland about 20 francs. In short, a bed is quite affordable for a child. The law, incidentally, does not welcome renting rooms to underage lovers, so both sides maintain a tacit agreement. The owner keeps silent and has a steady income, while the couple makes love and in return covers for the one who sheltered them.
Silver ring of chastity
The United States condemns sin and generously pays for the virginity of its teenagers. For example, in 2003, the Bush administration spent $117 million on the educational program abstinence only (literally - "only abstinence") and intends to spend twice as much in the future. Officials loudly condemn "intimacy", reading excerpts from the Bible, and the church, in turn, holds lavish ceremonies. In September 2003, a correspondent for the Guardian newspaper witnessed such a ceremony (translated from English):
"...The show begins. Girls adjust their T-shirts and smooth their hair, boys laugh too loudly... 'Society wants me to be a prostitute,' 16-year-old Lindsey Bochek is indignant. 'But I will wait until I meet the right person...' Boys and girls, standing up, take turns vowing not to have sex before marriage... In the lobby, silver rings are sold for $12. The ring, a metallic symbol of chastity, must be bought after the vow in order to give it to one's spouse on the wedding day... They read a prayer in chorus and promise to keep Jesus in their hearts..."
Want - love
2002. United States. 200 km from New York. International College of Professional Education.
"To feel the atmosphere of the campus, you need to live for a few days," they explained to the correspondent of "Inostranets" and put me in a free room on the second floor of a three-story residence. The room is designed for two. Therefore, it has two desks, two lamps, two beds standing perpendicular to each other, two windows with green blinds, and for belongings - a recess in the wall, draped with cloth.
To the left of the stairs are the boys' rooms, to the right are the girls' rooms. In our, female, half, next to the entrance is a living room. In the evenings they turn on the TV, in the mornings a tape recorder and an electric kettle.
For some reason, the boys prefer to enter and exit not through the front entrance, but from the girls' wing via the fire escape. This staircase, welded right at the level of my window, keeps me awake. Late into the night, male voices go up and down it, sometimes the voices fall silent - then through the gap in the blinds two orange lights are visible, and the smell of tobacco streams into the room.
The girls' shower is right opposite my room, just a couple of steps away. However, a decent girl needs to demonstrate wonders of agility to slip into the shower and back without alarming a group of students, who are always somewhere nearby, with her half-dressed appearance.
On the very first night, around midnight, the people upstairs were not sleeping. From the characteristic sounds, one could conclude that they might be moving furniture. At about five in the morning, there was squeaking again upstairs, and by six everything was quiet.
- You know, something strange is happening on the third floor, - I shared a couple of days later with a Russian student who was telling me about campus life.
- It's boring here. Woods all around. That's why everyone's screwing. Why are you blushing so much?
- I'm not blushing at all...
When a child is an adult
A student who has turned 18 is considered an adult. Adult educational institutions do not prohibit sex and couldn't even if they wanted to. They don't have the right. So a school or college restricts itself to a hint:
- Gentlemen students! We hope that the residence will be used as intended. Remember, to study well, you need to get enough sleep...
There is, however, one nuance. Many colleges accept children who have finished high school. That is, our own students may find themselves among adults at 16 or 16.5 years old. In this case, the institution sets a condition. "I take you, but together we consider that you are already 18."
In an adult institution, the notions accepted in a private secondary school are abolished. There is no residence for girls and for boys. There are only rooms for girls and rooms for boys. No night teachers are provided. And the residence is not locked at night.
Knowing, however, that the college would frown upon noticing an openly established family in a particular room, students arrange in advance and migrate unnoticed, waiting for dusk.
Practice shows that 18-year-old men with a broken heart, drowning their sorrow in alcohol, tend to smash the fire alarm with an empty bottle. Such men, to avoid sin, are very quickly returned to mom and dad.
Insatiable little women can also provoke the institution into taking measures. It certainly will not tolerate a young lady if she, having swallowed "ecstasy" (an affordable soft drug), starts trying one after another the men she meets along the way.
Love Turning into Passion
A private university in Barcelona, having opened summer Spanish courses, invited high school students and university students for three weeks. On behalf of the university, a Russian blonde girl was recruiting students.
On a sultry morning of June 24, five people wishing to learn Spanish flew from Russia - three female employees of "Inostranets" and two 14-year-old girls, Mashenka and Dashenka.
It was assumed that the blonde would look after Mashenka and Dashenka. Which, in fact, she did during the day, if she was not busy. And in the evening, when it got dark, she turned to us:
- Take the girls to the disco. You'll have fun yourselves as well. And mind you, don't come back late. The girls need to rest.
Passing the statue of Columbus, you go to the sea, then onto a fragile wooden bridge that seems to rush toward the open sea, but eventually leads to the main entrance of the "Marimagnum" disco. The main thing is not to look down on the bridge. In the gaps between the planks, water splashes and fish gleam with golden scales, sometimes jumping out of the black unkind abyss.
People dance on several floors. On each floor there are a couple of halls with different music. In the halls, white dust motes with a subtle scent are suspended, which imperceptibly gather moisture from agitated bodies. Thus, those dancing all night remain fresh and can completely dissolve in the dance and in their partner.
In less than an hour, Dashenka drowned in the strong embrace and daring blue eyes of a sturdy German or, it seemed, a Frenchman. Entirely overcome by feeling, she completely stopped understanding Russian and reacted only to German or French whispers...
In short, "happiness was not destined to happen." At the appointed hour, joining efforts, we did manage to break the embrace and, as promised, put the girl to bed...
What Do Parents Think?
Semyon Petrovich, lawyer: "If you prohibit, it will be even worse. I don't want my only daughter to feel like a ridiculous hen, curl up into a ball and stick out her spines. One must be able to adapt..."
Margarita Pavlovna, translator: "I sent my daughter to England in '94. I was very worried that someone might hurt her. She is so trusting. So I asked the agency whether they could guarantee that the child would not have problems of a sexual nature - violence, harassment, and so on. I even asked them to sign a document. They refused, saying that no firm would give me such a document..."
Ivan Timofeevich, professor: "Before my children ended up in a Swiss private school, they had time to see the world. That new life they saw and touched. At home, this topic was never forbidden. The children were not shooed away from the TV if people were hugging on the screen. My wife and I only explained that relationships should be thought through, because a breakup can hurt a lot. However, my children always took care of their health..."
Eleonora Olegovna, homemaker: "My child is 17 years old, he studies at a prestigious British school. I deny him nothing, because he is a diligent and capable boy. Recently, my son asked for 3,000 pounds to rent a house for the holidays and relax with a company. He has his best friend Anton and two girlfriends, Sveta and Marina. I called the agency that supervises us and asked for help with the transfer. They started to dissuade me. And I don't understand what's wrong if a boy wants to rest and have fun?"
Elastic and Colorful
Recently, teenagers in the United States have become fascinated with an unusual accessory that greatly worries the respectable schools of old lady America. Now girls wear thin elastic bracelets of different colors on their wrists, around their necks, and on their ankles.
If a girl puts on a bracelet, it means she is participating in a game called snap - literally "to seize, to snatch." The color of the bracelet matters. It is a language that tells a boy what exactly the girl dreams of. The boy simply has to approach the girl and, tearing off the bracelet of the corresponding color, get: a kiss - lilac bracelet; a tight hug - yellow bracelet; the girl on his lap - red bracelet; oral sex - blue bracelet; sexual intercourse - black bracelet.
Under the Wheels of Love
Dialogue in an American school:
- Did you hear about Veronica? On Saturday she was with five boys at once!
- What a slut!
In any educational institution, a venomous family of gossip and rumors lives next to children. Moreover, to live long, parasites settle in a closed space. Whether it is a small private school, a middle-sized college, or a university. There it is easy to obtain food that hangs at every step. Wagging from class to class, a slippery gossip licks up piquant stories told in one's ear and in secret, and, having satiated, stings the victim, leaving sticky labels on her back: Geek - freak, degenerate; Slut - slattern, prostitute; Fag - faggot; Player - womanizer; Nerd - cretin, idiot.
Relationships immediately become public, and the couple automatically gets on the list of topics for endless discussion using terms from physiology and anatomy.
Having debuted, the boy grows in the eyes of his peers. Right from bed, he is carried in their arms and seated on a throne. Oh happiness! I was recognized as a leader. I am considered an adult! They come to me for advice. His advice is undoubtedly valuable and leaves an indelible impression on the innocent retinue: "Be a man. Relax. Do it."
And they do it. They do it to: get rid of peer pressure; relieve pressure from a partner; out of a spirit of contradiction; out of curiosity; prove their love and feel loved; gain self-confidence; feel protected; experience pleasant sensations.
An Outsider's View
In relation to the child, the educational agent is considered an outsider. This means that the agent has no right to talk to him about ethics and morality. Despite this, some zealous agencies try to warn, but the child, as a rule, firmly makes it clear that he does not need advice.
However, if the parents ask, the agent will most likely share observations:
- A child tends to lead the same lifestyle abroad as at home. For example, if a girl dated two boys in her hometown, she will also want two there.
- Provincial children, as a rule, are frightened by terrible stories about foreign countries. In this case, you can get two extremes. A child who will go all out, or a clotted little man, a lonely hedgehog, from whom peers will run away.
- In a private school, the child has almost no strength left. For example, in Swiss schools the curriculum includes three hours of physical education every weekday, and on weekends they train for as much as half a day. Another matter is in an adult college or university. There, of course, there are more opportunities.
- Some children get the impression that everyone around them does nothing but sleep with each other. This is a deceptive impression. You just need to find companions who care about something else. They are nearby, they exist. They are just less noticeable.
- Very often the curriculum is arranged in such a way that relationships simply cannot last long. First of all, this applies to adult colleges. For example, hotel schools have two to four intakes a year. This means that the campus is constantly refreshed with new students. A newly arrived student stays in one place for only six months, and then goes off to practice. To another city or, more often, to another country.
- There is no point in telling a 16-18-year-old child "you can't". He will still do as he sees fit. Most likely, during the days of studying abroad, he will have an intimate life.
The Silence of Parents
For a long time, public discussion of sexual topics was considered unethical in our country. Therefore, when 15 years ago the established concepts were abruptly abolished, children were completely unprepared for this. Those who went to study in the early 90s seemed to strive to make up for lost time and sensations. Relationships accepted in the West seemed tastier and sweeter. Knowing this, parents were always nervous. They did not want the child to try it and get carried away.
Now, having quenched their thirst, they have become accustomed to sex. At least, educational agencies have come to this conclusion. "Today's parents never ask about this anymore," the firms say. "It feels like this topic has completely ceased to be interesting to them."
Educational institutions are even less willing to think about it. It is much more convenient for a school to shove the problem onto parents. Even if a parent, wanting to protect the child, demands close attention from the school, an individual study plan, and other measures, it is obvious that the institution will not like it.
Because the school's task is different. It must fulfill its obligations. That is, to teach and educate. And upon return, the child must be healthy. Therefore, in the morning children have lessons, then sports, and in the evening homework.
There are certain rules that the educational institution declares. However, it cannot force the child to follow them. If a child is inclined to break the rules, it is much easier for the school to get rid of him and take another.
To ensure that studying passes without consequences, the child and parents should call each other and write "emails" to each other. It is advisable that before leaving, the child meets with specialized doctors and finds out whether they give consultations by email. And when the time comes to decide whether "to love or not to love", you can advise him to answer seven questions: "Does 'sex now' agree with my moral principles? Will my parents approve of my relationship? If I have a child, will I be able to support him? If the relationship falls apart, will I be hurt by the fact that I was intimate with this person? Am I sure that no one is pressuring me? Does my partner want intimacy right now? Am I sure that my friend is not ill?"
And if at least one answer is negative, say to the companion: no. Because at this age, answering "no" is the same as saying "I love you".