Some statistics
It is believed that separation from parents is contraindicated for children up to seven to nine years old in principle, and for 10-14-year-olds it is better to be in a boarding school among peers who are also forced to adapt to an unfamiliar environment. Moreover, in a boarding school, all their problems are solved by professional educators. The upper age limit for living with families is 30: it is difficult for an adult to live with strangers. The best age for "family" life is adolescence: adaptive abilities are at their peak at this time. Exchange high school students, for example, happily stay with foreign families for a year.
The UK ranks first in the world in the number of foreign students it accepts. Half of them prefer to live with families. 40% of those who chose such accommodation rate it as excellent. 35% of students are quite satisfied, 20% are satisfied, and 5% are dissatisfied. The picture is roughly the same in other countries; Irish and New Zealand families receive slightly more enthusiastic reviews. But on average, every tenth guest's relationship with the host family does not work out. Scandals are rare, but a cold war is no better - such immersion in the language is useless. The causes of conflicts may include the following: failure of the parties to observe the norms and rules of communal living, differences in mentality, and finally, linguistic misunderstandings. The guest takes offense at something he didn't fully understand, or he himself blurts out something absurd.
What is good...
The guest's main commandment is to remind himself as often as possible that people will judge his country by him.
The principles of behavior are so simple that it is strange to repeat them - and even stranger that they are forgotten. Do not criticize foreigners for everything being bad, wild, and incomprehensible, but try to understand. Do not make noise in the middle of the night, do not emit loud sounds and strong smells (whether perfume or socks). Obey the rules that exist in the house, and do not try to prove that they are stupid.
Learn to listen to your interlocutor - many people find even this difficult. Master basic speech etiquette in advance in order to quickly get past the stage of unintelligible mumbling. Control your intonation: it can change the meaning of what is said to the opposite. Control yourself, getting rid of inappropriate giggling, grimacing, and meaningless fiddling with spoons and forks: nervousness and insecurity hinder mutual understanding no less than, say, secret smoking in bed. Finally, be open - try to learn new things and clarify what is unclear. And resolve conflicts through negotiation.
We Have a Broad Soul
In Spain, you will seem rude if you disturb your hosts during siesta, in Germany - if you talk with your hands in your pockets, in Britain - if you join a conversation before the hosts introduce you to their guests. One must also take into account the unwritten rules that have become established within ethnic and religious groups. What is normal for us turns out to be unacceptable for hosts: one girl who was sunbathing on the lawn behind the house with her swimsuit straps off her shoulders was convincingly asked by her American hosts to put the straps back in place so as not to embarrass the neighbors - in affluent Protestant suburbs, it is not customary to lower a swimsuit.
But the main problems are created by everyday life. The guest must understand: he lives with a family, not in a hotel, and no one is obliged to clean his room, wash his dishes, clean the toilet, or remove his long black hairs from the bathtub.
And our students' quarrels with British hosts over saving electricity and water have already become the talk of the town. A fresh example: Boris lived for two months in London with an elderly single lady. The hostess immediately explained: at eight in the morning they leave the house together, at six in the evening they return, and only she has the keys. The lights in the house will be on from seven to eight in the morning and from six to eleven in the evening - no more. Boris agreed. But one morning, when there were no classes, he decided to stay home to prepare for an exam. He needed light on a dark winter morning. No, the hostess cut him off, that's not what we agreed on. This seems wild to us, but arguing is pointless: it's her house and her electricity bills.
Our inability and unwillingness to save probably shocks foreigners the most. Everyone knows what place our country occupies in the world ranking of living standards - and suddenly schoolchildren start throwing money around. Much wealthier local children try to persuade them: this is an expensive store, let's go, around the corner the same thing is half the price. The student proudly refuses and at home tells everyone: they are all stingy!
What Are You Whispering About There?
It is better to go abroad with at least minimal language training. But our person bravely goes there with a complete lack of knowledge and a Napoleonic plan to jump into battle - and then let what will be. And as a result, he cannot ask for a headache pill, is afraid of the dishwasher, and does not know where to wash his clothes.
Another lovely option is the "I'm a stranger here" position: he silently comes, eats, leaves, and locks himself in his room. No, you need language practice - so get it: take the dog out with the hostess, it's very educational. Keep the father of the family company when he is nailing shelves or tinkering in the garage. At the same time, discuss repairs, cars, the police, the traffic police - your vocabulary and understanding of the country will be enriched.
Participate in the life of the family, share its concerns: for example, the whole family is mysteriously whispering in corners - it turns out that mom's birthday is soon. Is it possible to ignore it? Of course, it is better to stock up on souvenirs at home; or even find out in advance about the birthdays of members of the host family. The gift should not be expensive, but the color of another country is usually appreciated; art albums are well received, and they are happy with homemade cakes. In general, practice shows that cooking brings people together, and exchanging recipes is almost inevitable - sometimes girls call their mother from America to find out how to cook borscht.
Don't lie, don't steal, don't fall in love
A painful question, especially for teenagers, is whether one can ask to borrow something for a while: a book, a laptop, money, a warm item? The best thing is to take nothing from anyone. Or to say right away when the item will be returned, and return it in perfect condition exactly on time. But it is better never to borrow money.
In many American families (in Europe, in Catholic ones) they take even the most innocent lie very seriously. A foreign student can lose all trust if he says he is going to the stadium and then is seen, say, in a bar. Why did he lie? One can, of course, start making excuses - but it is not worth arguing vociferously. If it concerns a minor, the family must always know where he is and with whom. And the age of majority comes in one country at 16, in another at 18, in a third at 21.
It is especially important to understand at what age alcohol is allowed - many of our students under 21 have come to grief over this. It is hardest for the family and the student when love unexpectedly strikes. The average age of guests is from 14 to 30, which is conducive to this. The risk group, as always, is teenagers. They have vacations, freedom, euphoria, and they are unable to understand the concern of those responsible for them - even in their native language. Parents, who heard echoes of passions over the phone, secretly said that host-parents in such cases behave like real moms and dads. There were cases when host families pulled our girls out of very difficult situations. Later, from exchange students you can hear, said without any irony: "My Spanish mom", "my American dad"...
Mutual goodwill is the closest kinship, the Roman Publilius Syrus noted back in the 1st century BC. And this observation is still relevant today.