This perfect vacation has two insurmountable drawbacks. First, such a trip is an expensive pleasure, no matter how you look at it. If you read somewhere that a cheap trip to Scotland is offered, it means you are going to be taken somewhere else. And secondly, nothing can be done about left-hand traffic in the UK; the steering wheel remains on the right, and cars jump out from the exact opposite side from the one you usually look at.
A proper trip to Scotland is possible only by car. Travel companies usually prefer to show the “real” Scotland within the city of Edinburgh, whose merits are that it is very picturesque and convenient, and its drawbacks are that it is too picturesque and convenient. You can experience real Scottish life and whisky only by driving at least a few kilometers away from the main highway. If you rent a car at Heathrow Airport, where it is easiest to do, you can take the ring road to the M1 motorway, which leads straight to Scotland.
Land of Lakes
You can get from London to Scotland quite easily in one day. The road is wide and straight - here is the turn to Shakespeare's Stratford-upon-Avon, then on to Coventry (here the transfer to M6), beyond Birmingham the road comes close to the sea, and umbrellas appear on the signs, hinting at the existence of beaches, although it is hard to imagine anyone wanting to swim and sunbathe under the drizzling rain that prevails in those places.
If you want to see life, it is better to leave the highway. To the left of the main road, already on the approach to Scotland, is the famous Lake District. There is no need to go deep into it; it deserves a separate trip, but a small inn above a pub may well become a prelude to the upcoming adventure. Such inns are often located in old buildings, with creaky wooden staircases, beamed ceilings, and huge beds.
In the pub you can have dinner and, of course, drink. In an English pub, people drink beer and ale, but not whisky. According to English laws, at exactly 11 pm the sale of alcohol stops, as announced by the sound of a gong. In London this rule is strictly observed. But in the provinces, the sound of the gong only means that outsiders should go home; you are a lodger, and therefore a regular. The doors are locked, and real fun begins: trays of small snacks appear, the noise increases, as does the excitement. Everyone will glance at you but delicately keep their distance, except for the bravest, who will tell you that their grandfather went to Russia in 1963 or their daughter is studying Russian at university.
The next day you enter Scotland. The goal is the “Whisky Trail”. Here we should immediately clarify. In Scotland, more than 50 distilleries are open to visitors; not long ago, eight of them, located not far from each other, united into the so-called “trail”. The purpose of such a union is exclusively commercial and tourist: it is very convenient to take a bus of tourists along this “path” for a couple of days, introduce them to the production of the Scots' favorite drink, sell as many souvenirs as possible and, of course, bottles of whisky. Just as historians in Moscow still cannot agree on the seven hills on which the Russian capital stands - everyone knows they exist, but no one knows exactly which ones - so it is with the “Whisky Trail”; from time to time guidebooks get confused and name different places. But that doesn't matter. Any path in Scotland can be considered a “Whisky Trail” because it inevitably leads to a glass of whisky. Below is just one of many route options. Their charm lies in endless diversity; such trips can be repeated every year and find a new trail each time.
If you drive through Glasgow, after some time you find yourself in a beautiful and mysterious country - the Scottish Highlands. These places were immortalized by Robert Burns, who exclaimed: “My heart is in the Highlands!”; here wandered the mystical Highlander played by Christopher Lambert, and it is here that the terrible Loch Ness monster hides.
A Whisky Lover's Code of Honor
Right on the road at the entrance to these majestic places there is a large store where all weary travelers stop. Here begins the acquaintance with real whisky. To make your stay in Scotland pleasant and conflict-free, you must immediately absorb several indisputable truths. First, whisky can only be pure - single malt, produced at a single distillery. Everything that ordinary people usually drink is blends, mixtures of different varieties of pure whisky, and is not considered real. Blends were invented back in the 19th century and quickly displaced pure whisky because they were easier to make, store, and, most importantly, had a more universal and simple taste. In the last quarter of the 20th century, a revival and rapid growth in popularity of “single malts” began. They became fashionable. Drinking them became a sign of aristocratic refinement and knowledge of life.
Rule number two. Nothing can be added to whisky. Ice and water are from the devil; only pure taste and aroma bring true pleasure. Ask the bartender to add water to your glass, and you will see how the attitude towards you changes.
Rule number three: whisky should be drunk in rainy, cool weather. Here you are lucky; the weather in Scotland almost always varies between rainy, rainy and windy, and very rainy. Interestingly, sunny days, of which there are quite a few in May and June, are poorly remembered. Rain in Scotland becomes a pleasure because here there is whisky.
Here is what a typical day of your Scottish holiday looks like: the sky is overcast with gray clouds, a fine drizzle falls all day long, you put on rubber boots, a waterproof raincoat, a waterproof hat, leave your umbrella at home, it is absolutely useless here, as the rain comes from all sides at once, and set off for a walk. You stroll over hills of an amazingly green color, over soft heather, breathe in air that is fresh and filled with the scent of grass, enjoy the silence and solitude. Then, absolutely wet but happy, you return to the hotel, change clothes, and go down to the living room, furnished like a set from a film about good old England (sorry, Scotland) - all in little armchairs and sofas, cushions and ottomans on which you can rest your feet for comfort. In front of you is a huge fireplace with crackling logs, a large bright window is drenched in the same fine rain, and, of course, on the table in front of you stands a glass of whisky. That is happiness.
Visiting the Monster
The next stop on your journey will be the famous Glencoe gorge. You can also spend the night there. The gorge strikes the imagination with its majesty and grandeur. Cliffs rise into the sky (better not to look in the guidebook; the height of the mountains disappoints, most of them do not even reach 1.000 meters), along the road mountain streams seethe, turning in places into raging waterfalls.
At the entrance to Glencoe stands a lonely white hotel. It has everything a tired traveler needs: a fireplace, sofas and armchairs, a bar. For many years it has served as a shelter for 'alpinists' conquering the surrounding mountains. They gather here after a difficult climb, take off their dirty boots and wet raincoats at the entrance, sit at the bar counter, and share impressions while sipping whisky.
In Glencoe is the highest mountain in Britain - Ben Nevis (1.343 meters), and nearby there is a whisky distillery with a similar name, open to visitors. A little further on begins the Great Glen, filled with a series of 'lochs', which in Scottish means 'lakes'. The most famous loch - Loch Ness with its monster - is indeed impressive: gloomy dark water, a ruined castle on the shore, tales of the locals, each of whom has seen this wonder. If you add to this a well-developed tourist infrastructure, cafés, small restaurants, hotels, souvenir shops, museums, it becomes clear why it is pleasant to stop here for a couple of hours. But it is far more interesting to spend the night on some less famous loch, especially since, as it turns out, each of them has its own monster, images of which, no doubt, will be hung in your hotel.
Lunch in a restaurant of such a hotel will give you no less pleasure than a possible encounter with the monster. Food in Scotland is simple and tasty. The traditional soup is a hearty broth, traditionally called 'Scotch', in which various vegetables and pearl barley float, and it warms you well after a cool day. The famous Scottish salmon is truly wonderful - fresh, natural, with a light sauce and a vegetable garnish; it is remembered for a long time. These places are also famous for the most tender lamb, served with a rather good mint sauce, a subject of constant mockery from gourmets from the continent. For dessert, there are puddings with fresh berries and cream. And if you end your evening with a good portion of whisky, then an encounter with the local monster becomes quite likely.
In the very heart of Scotland there are two whisky distilleries - one large (Dalwhinnie) and the other the smallest (the Edradour). Each has a souvenir shop where you can buy a glass as a memento: they are all unique and not at all like our traditional ideas of whisky glasses - narrow tall ones, low wide ones, tulip-shaped, ball-shaped, flask-shaped. They are hard to bring back - they are fragile and break easily. But at home, on a snowy winter day, you can pour a little whisky into them, recall the green hills of Scotland and dream of a new 'Whisky Trail' for the next year.