First Mistake. Married, but Not Quite
Church service significantly complicates the family life of those who have dedicated their lives to serving the Lord. After all, a holy father's workday is not standardized; he can work in the evenings and at night, and his days off do not coincide with those of ordinary citizens. Special forums have even appeared on the Internet where priest's wives complain about their difficult lot: constant loneliness, lack of help in household and family matters.
Some priests do not consider this a problem and therefore do not try to overcome it. They believe that the lack of time for family is a "cost of the profession" that the wife must accept. This attitude, which has become traditional for the modern church, can lead to a family tragedy.
Illustrating this idea is simple: one can cite the modern tradition of "removing" the wedding ring after ordination. The ring—a symbol of fidelity and the strength of family ties—finds no place on the finger of a servant of God. Many canons state that a priest's only wife is the holy faith, and the sacrament of ordination is regarded as the pastor's marriage to the church. But church rhetoric does not take into account the many complexities that arise in family relationships.
This contradiction is quite reasonable – if the cleric's heart is partly occupied by the church, then his wife's heart remains partially free. After all, true love is complete interpenetration! But even the Apostle Paul said that service to God is a continuation of the clergyman's love for his wife, not an alternative to that love! The Bible mentions that the only bridegroom of the Church is Christ, not an ordinary deacon! And if the service leaves no time for family, then maybe one should not start a family?
Second Mistake. They Don't Talk About a Priest's Marriage!
Currently, the life of the clergy is surrounded by many stereotypical, unrealistic opinions. This can harm the family, and therefore priests hide their family relationships from the community.
It often happens that the wife specifically goes to another church to avoid close attention from the congregation. Often this is caused by ordinary parishioners who impose overly strict demands on their pastor, from which he seeks refuge at home. This happens especially often with young, inexperienced church ministers. And only at home does he become who he really is—a caring father, a loving spouse.
Of course, one cannot blame a cleric for not wanting outsiders to interfere in his family affairs. The fault is not his weakness, but the specifics of his lifestyle, the costs of the profession. But in that case, the strong family ties of the Holy Father do not fulfill one of their main roles—the role of edification for the flock! After all, the best testimony of strong faith is not words, but personal example!
Third Mistake. An Overly Archaic Family
Not all clerics cover their family life with a veil of secrecy. However, it often happens that the icon of marriage presents a glossy picture. For some reason, it is accepted that a priest's true marriage must be church-archaic. The woman should be "in charge of the household", and the husband should be almost a tyrant of the family. But serving God is not a role-playing game where one must imitate established stereotypes in everything, even in clothing. Christianity is the faith of people, not an historically established tradition. Modern marriage is not like a marriage three hundred years ago, because the realities of our lives have changed! And a priest should bring to his flock not only traditions, but also love, which does not change over time. The foundation of marriage is mutual respect, not the performance of some historically proven but currently irrelevant rituals.
Love is the Foundation of Marriage!
All the mistakes described, although different in manifestations, have one common similarity—the non-observance of the principles underlying the marriage of truly believing people. Now, the family of a priest is threatened not so much by worldly temptations as by church stereotypes. The main stereotype is that a priest must sacrifice his family for the sake of the Lord.
The Lord tells us through the Bible that the main thing in any family, as well as in serving Him, is love, and it cannot be sacrificed. Love has many manifestations, but its essence is one—love is God! We must conform to the norms of the Bible, not to established canons. And for this, not much is needed—to be emotionally close, to feel mutual responsibility and respect, to be equal before God and people.
A married priest in Orthodoxy is not only a distinctive feature of our religion, but also its great acquisition. Apparently, God wanted this tradition to be preserved. And clerics should use this providential privilege for the benefit of their flock, the Orthodox Church, and God!
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