A child in the UK is expensive for parents
As a BBC observer notes, even in developed countries there is a certain social pressure. After a certain age, you begin to notice with surprise (and displeasure) that the first question strangers ask you at parties and even at work is: "Do you have children?" Upon hearing a negative answer, well-mannered interlocutors change the subject, while ill-mannered ones continue to press: "Why not?"
Moreover, numerous women's magazines (if you read them) and even respectable newspapers constantly bombard you with articles about how the biological clock is ticking and soon you will want to have children, but it will be too late.
So, let's assume you have succumbed to pressure, circumstances, or simply finally got what you wanted – and after a certain number of weeks you will have your own – plump and pink (and sometimes skinny and rather yellowish) crying, cooing, peeing and pooping, sometimes smiling and blowing drool bubbles – baby. Requiring constant care! In this situation, one might envy the animal world, where offspring are born much more adapted to life.
If fate has thrown you into immigration, and your immediate circle has no grandmothers, mothers, aunts, or any other relatives capable of helping, then it's time to panic. The further development of the situation depends on a single factor: do you have money?
First, let's assume you have money. In this case, returning from the maternity hospital with your own "bundle of joy" may not be so scary. Because with money you can hire a maternity nurse. In literal translation, this means "maternity sister" or "sister of motherhood," but in reality, it is a special nanny who moves into your home for a pre-agreed period to teach you everything you need.
Agencies that supply such highly qualified workers emphasize that if you use their services, you will be as safe as houses. "We understand how important it is to find the right person who will help both you and your baby," says the website of one of them. "Our employees work with full dedication, completely devoting themselves to their work. They will provide you with constant support, advice, and reassurance 24 hours a day."
To help you understand what a blow this will be to your budget, I will give approximate rates. Just for selecting a suitable woman, whose qualifications and integrity are fully guaranteed by the agency, you must pay the said agency up to 120 pounds (over 150 dollars) for each week of her work! The services of the super-nanny-sister-educator-psychologist (call it what you want, these specialists combine all the above characteristics) must be paid separately. For one child, they will ask 900 pounds for five working days (1130 dollars). You can negotiate for six, but then the price increases significantly. For twins – already 1000 pounds, for triplets – 1200. Over the last 16 years, prices have roughly doubled.
The amounts are, of course, exorbitant, but I can say from my own experience that it is worth it – especially if you have no one nearby who could give any advice. Val (that was the name of the super-nanny who helped me) quickly taught me the basic wisdom of caring for newborns, fended off the health visitors who are required to visit new mothers at home, giving advice that is sometimes impossible to follow, and quite cleverly organized our household.
The fact that during this period of my life I mostly worked from home also helped. As it turned out, sitting in the dead of night at the computer, translating some tricky document, with two babies perched on my knees (the babies initially flatly refused to sleep) is not as scary as it seems.
But Val, having fulfilled her duties, left, and then the next question arose: where to get a nanny? I should probably emphasize that at that time I worked for a private firm, not for my native corporation. Probably, maternity leave was due to me, but no one bothered to offer it, and I, having figured out that I could manage without it, did not ask for it.
Most young mothers with a clear conscience take the allotted year of maternity leave, but at the end of that year, the question of what to do with the child becomes even more acute. If you are lucky enough to work for a company that has its own gardens and nurseries for employees' children, then light a candle, thank fate, and try not to flaunt your happiness in conversations with less fortunate mothers.
The charitable organization Daycare Trust, which helps parents find a nanny or a place in a nursery, reports that some parents have to pay up to 350 pounds per week for a place in such an institution. The average price across England is 140 pounds per week (175 dollars), and in some areas of London this amount can be several times higher. Ultimately, demand creates supply.
In other words, if fate is kind to you and you have a relatively good salary, but you live in a not very prestigious area of London where the birth rate is somehow not too high, then you can afford a nursery.
At the same time, you should not think that you will drop your child off in the morning and pick them up in the evening on the way home from work. Free preschool childcare facilities provide their services for no more than four hours a day. Now try to find a job for those four hours that makes sense and really contributes to your career advancement.
There are also nannies. But here again it all comes down to the state of your bank account. On average, the services of a professional nanny from an English agency cost £400 per week. But that's not all: for the pleasure of becoming an employer, you must pay a special tax, as well as the nanny's contributions to the social insurance system. They say it makes sense if you have more than one child, or if you share her services with a neighboring family. I'll say right away: qualified nannies are very reluctant to agree to such conditions.
There is, of course, another way, which would break the law: hiring an illegal migrant from a non-EU Eastern European country to look after your child. Because girls, for example, from Poland, Lithuania or Estonia charge for their services, though cheaper than English nannies, but still quite a lot.
Recently, a female acquaintance of mine who works in a bank was looking for a live-in nanny. The key word in the previous sentence is 'bank'. Her salary is quite different from the average. So, she was willing to pay the nanny up to £1,600 per month (over $2,000). Moreover, as you understand, the nanny in this case works a lot, of course, but lives with everything provided – she doesn't pay for an apartment, food, or utilities, so all the salary remains hers. Most working mothers have never dreamed of having such a sum at their free disposal.
Now let's add a small dose of positivity to this gloomy picture. The state, it seems, understands that the population needs to be somehow stimulated to produce future taxpayers. First, all parents receive a special child benefit. It's not too large: £20.70 per week for the first child and £13.70 for each subsequent child. For comparison, a weekly travel card from my not-so-far outskirts to central London costs £34.40.
In addition, some employers subscribe to a government scheme where part of the salary is paid to parents not in cash, but in the form of special vouchers that can be used to pay people looking after your brood. Such vouchers are tax-free, but you can only use them to pay registered childcare workers. So you can't save money by hiring someone illegally or paying your own relatives who are ready to help.
So, your choice – children or career? Overall, the conclusion is rather sad. Either you will have to spend almost all your salary on someone to look after your children (of course, unless you are a major corporate law specialist who can afford nannies in any quantity and for any money). Or you accept that your career will suffer, rely on the father's salary, and raise the children yourself.
It's good if by the time you can return to the ranks of the full workforce, you still have some professional value. But the chances are high that the train may have long left and you won't catch it under any circumstances. You'll agree that a curious situation arises – and I'm speaking exclusively about Britain now, because in Scandinavia, for example, the issue of childcare is on a completely different track.
On the one hand, we seem to have equality – before the law, theoretically in salary (though questions arise here) and in rights. On the other hand, until the male part of humanity learns to give birth, the question 'children or career' will keep popping up like a jack-in-the-box for each new generation of women.
As I write this, I think, what would I advise my own daughters in this situation? And I honestly answer that I don't know. Most likely, I will do everything possible to free their hands if and when they face the same question. Although when I see other people's babies, my heart neither skips a beat nor stops – and generally, as for me, now that they are 16, they are much more interesting. Because you can't escape half the DNA, and I'll bend over backwards for them. I'll even be a volunteer nanny, and completely free of charge.