For 15 years now I have headed the company Foreign Consultants, Inc. in Chicago, which deals with immigration matters: conversion of education documents and employment opportunities. I know the life of Ukrainian women abroad not from hearsay: people with a wide variety of problems often turn to our company. And this gives me reason to share some observations about modern overseas “princes,” whom Ukrainian “Cinderellas” sometimes dream of.
Tip No. 1. Remember, overseas “princes” are not so smart, educated, and rich
As a rule, in terms of education, “princes” are far inferior to Ukrainian girls. Many American grooms have 3-4 years of an ordinary college or only a school education. And in general development they lose to Slavic women: all that standard Americans love is sitting for hours in front of the TV watching rather weak comedy shows and sports programs.
Moreover, they are not rich. Of course, by Ukrainian standards they are quite well-off, but keep in mind that you have to live in America. They are not inclined to financially support the children of their Slavic wife or her parents who remained in Ukraine. Unfortunately, most foreign grooms are greedy and vain. They strictly count every cent, think over all their expenses, and are used to living by the call common in America: “Save your money!” (“Save your money!”). Save and keep money in case of job loss, for retirement, for buying a house or apartment, for repairing a car — in short, for all occasions.
Tip No. 2. Be prepared for the fact that family life may not work out
How do our “Cinderellas” usually live overseas? As a rule, they do not work. The main occupation is cleaning the house and preparing food. The only entertainment is a weekly trip to the grocery store, where all purchases are made under the control of the “prince.” No theaters, movies, concerts — only television. Most “princes” live in suburbs and rural areas where there is no public transport. But, as American husbands believe, a Slavic woman needs neither a car nor a driver’s license: she has nowhere much to go anyway.
Phone conversations with friends and relatives who remained in the homeland are not encouraged: there is no need to waste money. And sometimes husbands do not even want to pay for English courses. A woman is allocated about $20-30 per month for personal expenses. If her husband has a house, a car, other property and savings, she must sign an agreement under which she completely renounces everything that he had before the marriage.
And here are some everyday stories. Anna, a philologist from Moscow, came to our office several times and complained that her husband beat her. Valentina, a teacher from Minsk, ran away from her Hollywood screenwriter because she could not come to terms with his greed. Galina from Ukraine was tied to the bed every time her Chinese-American husband left the house. Olga, a lawyer from Kiev, ran away from her husband, a doctor of sciences, because he mocked her son in every possible way... Unfortunately, such sad stories have been noted in many cities, and 90% of such marriages break up in the first year or two of living together.
Many American grooms, coming to Ukraine for a bride, quite sincerely believe that they incredibly bestow a favor on our woman by taking her from a poor and backward country. And, of course, she should be grateful to her “savior,” as they say, until the end of her life.
As a rule, all the wife’s documents are in the husband’s possession. This gives him reason to constantly threaten her with deportation without having the slightest grounds for it. It is funny, but American “princes” do not know the immigration laws of their own country. They frighten their wives with statements: “I can take away your green card as easily as you got it! American police will deport you at my first call!” Nothing of the sort — do not let yourself be intimidated. Try to keep your main documents (passport, green card, Social Security card, diplomas, birth, marriage, divorce certificates, and others) in a safe place known only to you.
Remember the phone numbers of your friends in this country whom you could turn to if necessary. Immediately call the police in case of violence — law enforcement officers will arrive in a few minutes. You will be taken to a homeless shelter, where you will be provided with accommodation and food, and your spouse will be convicted and receive from three days to three years in prison, depending on the physical and moral damage caused to you. The recently reorganized U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service adopted a special instruction, the Battered Wife’s Law (the law on wives who have suffered physical violence), according to which you are allowed to stay in the country and apply for all necessary immigration documents yourself if you have suffered from an American husband. You have the opportunity to receive financial assistance and medical insurance, as well as the right to take English language courses for free.
Tip No. 3. Remain yourselves and know your worth
One of the most common mistakes of our “Cinderellas” is low self-esteem. American husbands extol their way of life in every possible way and are rather dismissive of the education and life experience of their Slavic wife. Often they simply do not understand what education she received and what it corresponds to in American standards.
Remember that even without a single dollar in your pocket, you have something that is highly valued in this country. And that most valuable thing is your education. First, you all studied at universities for an average of five years and received an education equivalent to a Master's degree in the United States. And to obtain it there, you would have to spend from $80,000 to $100,000. Second, if you have an education equivalent to the American one, and if you have documents confirming this, then the attitude toward you will be completely different. When you are a specialist with a professional education, you are perceived completely differently by a fiancé: before him is a woman with a real profession. A man understands that society will show you respect, and this will also raise his prestige.
Third, with your education and a diploma, you can get a job. Perhaps not immediately full-time, but later, after having studied English well, you will have the opportunity to work in your specialty. In that case, you will not experience economic dependence on your husband, and this, believe me, is very important.
In order to equate a Ukrainian diploma with an American one, an Evaluation is performed. For many countries, this has already become a quite ordinary procedure, since the American education standard is known and understandable to employers all over the world. And if our brides take their Ukrainian diplomas overseas, converted and equated to Bachelor's, Master's, and PhD degrees in the USA, they will immediately move from the status of pretty, poor Slavic "Cinderellas" fit only for the home, to the status of respected women, specialists who are highly valued abroad.