"Just imagine," Anya said, almost crying. "We bought vouchers to a five-star hotel on the all-inclusive system, and there this 'included' is pure deception! I can still understand that breakfasts and lunches are served at certain times. But why, tell me, can tea and coffee be drunk for free only from four to five o'clock, and the rest of the time - for money? We were warned that only locally produced alcoholic drinks are included in the price. But why did we have to pay for mineral water, which, by the way, is also local? And that's not all! If you want to take a towel at the pool, you pay a dollar! Some 'all inclusive' it is..." I could only sympathize: they were unlucky with the hotel - that, unfortunately, happens. Just don't think that all hotels operating on the all-inclusive system are like that. All-inclusive hotels are different!
Choose - or you'll lose
They say that all-inclusive vacations are becoming more and more popular in the world. They say it is very convenient - you pay once, and then you don't think about money. They say you get great savings from such a vacation. The barkers even came up with a formula: "All inclusive - a vacation for those who are used to counting their money!" It would be more accurate to say - "for those who are used to counting their big money," because such a vacation is not cheap.
The magic words "all inclusive" first loomed on the tourist horizon in the early 50s, when the club vacation system was declared a geographical discovery and Club Mediterranean, now known to everyone as Club Med, was invented.
The history of the "Mediterranean Club" is simple and instructive. In the late 40s, the Belgian Gerard Blitz organized vacations for former concentration camp prisoners. He sent them to the mountains and the sea, where he settled them in ordinary tents, fed and entertained them. Blitz wanted each of his "campers" to feel like a welcome guest of kind and good hosts. Blitz bought tents in France from a certain Gilbert Trigano, who fully shared his partner's views on organizing vacations. Gradually, the audience in tent camps changed. Young people began to go there for romance, for freedom, then to feel like guests of kind and good hosts. The idea proved very fruitful. Then the partners asked Rothschild for money and began to build more solid, though no less Spartan, "villages," declaring this type of vacation a club one and settling in the Mediterranean.
Today Club Med has 120 villages on five continents, 150 hotels and resorts, two sailing cruise ships, 25,000 staff and 50 million euros in annual profit. That's the scale.
About twenty years ago, Sandals and Super Clubs appeared, followed by the German Robinson, Magic Life and Aldiana. Hotel chains and individual hotels began to use the all-inclusive system. There was even an entire all-inclusive island - Cayo Largo off the coast of Cuba. Now most Caribbean hotels operate on this system - in Jamaica, Barbados, the Dominican Republic, there are many in Turkey and Cuba, there are also in Europe and Southeast Asia. If desired, all-inclusive vacations can be found anywhere in the world. Clubs and hotels operating on this system differ from each other in service level, set of services and cost. In some, the pearls are too small, in others, the cabbage soup is too thin. Or even too sour...
To the village to the girl
Club Med "villages" are located in 33 countries and can simultaneously receive 75,000 people. The level of each club is indicated by brand tridents instead of hotel stars. At the same time, clubs of different categories differ only in rooms: the more tridents, the more objects you can find in them. One trident is a hut with amenities in the courtyard; two - a room with a bathroom, and maybe even a safe and telephone; three allow you to count on a hairdryer and TV; four - super comfort, may even have a minibar. At the same time, in all cases, even in straw huts, guests are treated to excellent cuisine, an abundant buffet, lots of sports and round-the-clock entertainment.
Previously, Spartan living conditions were one of the fundamental principles of Club Med, but now the villages are gradually being reconstructed, and the rooms are becoming more comfortable. It's what they call, modest but clean.
Club Med has not only everything included, but also everything taken into account: tastes, preferences, long-standing habits and fleeting desires. Each guest is free to do whatever he wants: sports, sex, gluttony, participation in cultural events. Especially welcome are the first and the last. All guests here are called "dear club members", all employees - "dear organizers". The latter professionally mix with the former and entertain them from within, from the depths of a friendly and very, very nice team. Amateur concerts, flowing from sports competitions, flow into dance parties. By and large, all this strongly resembles a pioneer camp, only the food is better and sex is not forbidden. Even the opposite - at the first-aid post you can always take a handful of condoms, and at the dance party you can find a decent girl.
Club Med's all-inclusive does not include everything. Dear guests pay for drinks at the bar, laundry, massage, beauty salons, excursions. Even the cornerstone sport is not entirely free: horse riding, scuba diving and golf are not included. However, if there is a golf course on the territory of the village, no fee is charged. There is one small trick: dear guests pay at the club not with real money, but with its equivalent. It can be a booklet of colorful coupons or beads. Want a cocktail? That's three yellow beads. Or two red leaves. Very simple! And the main thing is psychologically calm: you don't feel sorry for beads, they are not green paper money. Therefore, Club Med guests spend a lot of money in their all-inclusive village. Now the club is switching to magnetic cards - this is a more familiar way of taking money.
With a view of the sunset
For lovers of luxury and comfort, there are other clubs - this is expensive and prestigious recreation. In the Caribbean, a big beast named Sandals is found - a chain of eleven resort clubs operating on an all-inclusive basis. Inside Sandals there is no categorization; all resorts are rated by the club itself at five stars, and by competitors at four. In terms of prices, however, one could give them a six. But whatever competitors say, Sandals club has been recognized for several years in a row as the best among all-inclusive resorts.
On the Caribbean islands, resort life does not spill beyond the borders of hotels - guests almost never leave the territory they have paid for, except perhaps to go on an excursion in an air-conditioned bus. This is justified: local life is poor and somewhat dirty, there is not much to see there. Therefore, hotels in the Caribbean compete in luxury and comfort.
Sandals club is not an exception, but the most honest rule. All of its hotels have a large territory turned into an ever-blooming paradise garden, with luxurious pools and beaches, beautiful interiors, and generously furnished rooms. The club's idea is as simple as the world: sea, beach, and sports - these are the three pillars on which the leisure empire rests. There are also entertainers here, but not as active as in Club Med. Entertainment comes down to all kinds of shows, dancing, and sports.
A feature of Sandals is that only couples are accepted here. Not just adults without children, but precisely paired individuals of the species homo sapiens aged no younger than 18. No one cares what kind of relationship these individuals have, but they will live in one room. However, the presence of nude beaches, unlimited alcoholic drinks, and fiery musical rhythms leads to a spontaneous mixing of couples.
The exception is two hotels attached to the Sandals system: Beaches Negril and Beaches Inn, which accept parents with children. These resorts maintain the Sandals level, and in terms of room variety (11 categories from apartments to villas) even surpass it.
In Sandals hotels, almost everything is included in the price: saunas, health centers, drinks, golf, squash, sailing trips and glass-bottom boats, diving and water skiing. Guests tip the staff on the golf course, pay for laundry, massage, hairdresser, excursions. The services of the grand beauty center at the Royal Bahamian hotel are available for an additional fee.
In Jamaica, Sandals built six hotels and came up with the slogan: “Live in one, have fun in six.” This means that a guest can only sleep in the hotel to which they are assigned, and spend the whole day in any of the others. People are especially eager to use this right during lunchtime: six hotels have 92 restaurants, all with different cuisines.
In the name of the proclaimed pairing of individuals, all Sandals hotels have honeymoon suites decked with hearts and doves. There is even a special program “Wedding Moons” - organizing a wedding right at the hotel, real or invented, with all formalities, receptions, a priest, and a two-tier cake. For example, Alena Sviridova got married under this program.
And the like
The other club systems do not fundamentally differ, except in details. The Super Clubs system, also nesting in the Caribbean, includes eight clubs. They are more expensive than Sandals, surpass them in the luxury of the territory and architecture, but are lower in room comfort. Everyone can come there - individuals, families, godfathers, and childless mothers. The most prim of all the club's hotels is Gran Lido, the most relaxed are Hedonism and Hedonism-2, where children under 18 are not allowed.
“Hedonisms” are a special breed of club hotels, designed for sexually preoccupied and maximally liberated human individuals. There, no one drags anyone into bed by force, but refusal is considered bad form. The beaches at the “Hedonisms” are nude, and in other public places people wear loincloths.
Families prefer the Boscobel Beach resort, where children up to 16 are admitted free. By the way, babysitting services are not included in the price - neither in Super Clubs nor in Beaches. In these clubs, you can also move from hotel to hotel, but upon entering a neighboring abode you will have to buy an entrance ticket.
Doubtful pleasures
The German club Robinson is in the price range between Club Med and Sandals. Its hotels are located amid wild nature, promote active outdoor recreation, though not all sports are included in the price. This system is practically not mastered by our compatriots, Europeans are not too eager to vacation there either, so the majority of guests are Germans.
Honestly, it is better to avoid places where residents of Germany gather with unlimited access to drinks. Russian binge drinkers and unbridled “golden youth” groups are tender angels and quiet lambs compared to true Aryans. Despite calls to go scuba diving or ride horses, guests prefer another sport - who can drink more and burp louder. The cost of the tour includes not only round-the-clock gluttony and any alcohol, but also the sight of their consequences. So it was quite humane of the owners to place the hotels amid wild nature.
Magic Life is also a German system. These are cheaper clubs for the middle class, located in Tunisia, Turkey, Greece, Mexico, and the Dominican Republic. (Mainly in Turkey.) The club promotes active recreation and sports, and proclaims an individual approach to each guest. In reality, it slightly resembles a collective farm during the hot harvest season. Drinks and food are available around the clock and without restrictions, with all the ensuing consequences that are deafening and offensive to the eye.
Cut your coat according to your cloth
Besides clubs, all-inclusive vacations are offered by individual hotels. There are especially many of these in the Caribbean and Turkey. In the Caribbean, this is due to the already mentioned absence of services outside the hotel; in Turkey, apparently, it is to fleece the client as much as possible. Because if there is any place where you can always have a meal and take a stroll outside the hotel, it is Turkey.
Dominican hotels operating on an all-inclusive basis stand out for their high quality and unheard-of cheapness. True, this cheapness is instantly eaten up by the monstrously expensive flight. The total cost for a week hovers around $1,800. These hotels are good because they are, as a rule, located in wonderful spots far from civilization. The price includes local drinks, even imported soft drinks. Excursions are always available for an additional fee.
Turkey is a completely different matter. There, everything is only partly predictable, and the all-inclusive formula can mean anything at all, depending on the hotel owners' interpretation.
It can be expected that in a three-star hotel, the price includes three meals a day of average quality at strictly fixed times, plus locally produced drinks in the hotel restaurant. The bathhouse, sports, beach towels, and sun loungers are paid for separately.
In a four-star hotel, the meals are likely to be better in quality, but also regulated by time. Between the three main meals, however, you can count on some snack bars, eateries, and cheburek stands, as well as fruits and oriental sweets in the lobby. Such a hotel will certainly have several bars and restaurants, including those with diet dishes. Aerobics and aqua aerobics are possible, almost always included in the price. And most importantly, you can freely use beach towels and steam in the bathhouse! Imported drinks are charged separately, and quite a lot.
In five-star hotels, in theory, you can eat and drink as much as you like, use towels, baths, and other loungers. The cuisine in Turkish five-star hotels is usually very good.
However, the East is such a delicate matter that it sometimes breaks. Then, in five-star hotels, they sell towels and mineral water, feed you by the clock, and give you no loungers at all. This happens, for example, in Kemer, at the Ozkaymak Marina hotel. This hotel has a disgusting reputation, but travel agencies still work with it and send innocent clients there. In the same Turkey, many hotels are guilty of their staff rummaging through guests' bedside tables and suitcases. No, they don't take gold, God forbid; they only take food and drink stashed away by thrifty tourists. At the same Ozkaymak Marina, all the bottles bought at duty free were taken from our tourists' suitcases and returned only on the day of departure, and with a huge scandal.
In virtually all all-inclusive hotels, only local drinks are included in the price. The exception is hotels operating under the label of ultra and super all-inclusive – there, everything is indeed included, including imported alcohol, sports, massage, and spa treatments (if such exist in the hotel).
The Little White Steamship
Another form of club vacation is a mobile floating hotel, that is, a cruise liner. Actually, in cruises, by definition, everything is always 'all-inclusive'. But this 'everything' does not include alcoholic beverages, shore excursions, or spa treatments at beauty centers. The extraction of money from the public is done psychologically skillfully and imperceptibly: all payments on board are made by cashless payment. When checking in for the voyage, every passenger is given a magnetic 'passenger card' – it doubles as a cabin key, an identity card, and a credit card. At the end of the cruise, only those who have paid their bill are allowed ashore.
A cruise is a special kind of vacation, incomparable to land-based club life. On board, no one forces anyone to be entertained. It is simply that a cruise liner has so much entertainment that it is comparable not to a hotel but to an entire city. Here there is a theater, a casino, many restaurants, duty-free shops, pools, and spa centers. Simultaneously, there are performances, dance evenings, group games, concerts, parties for newlyweds, or 'birthday' cocktails. At any moment, you can choose your cabin over all of this.
As for food, a cruise is a paradise for gourmets. On board, dozens of restaurants offer a new cuisine every day and produce menus in three volumes in five languages. Lunch consists of six courses: cold appetizers, hot appetizers, soups, the main dish, cheeses, dessert, tea and coffee, and shall we dance? All meals are indeed included: you can go to breakfast, lunch, or dinner at an à la carte restaurant, or to a buffet-style café, and after the restaurant, you can drop by a café, then have a snack at a pizzeria, and when moving becomes difficult, order food to your cabin. And so around the clock, because after the regular buffet closes, a midnight buffet begins to work, and in the cabins, service is available all day and night.
When partaking of food becomes problematic, a captain's dinner is arranged with such excesses that it is impossible to resist. But it is outshone by the midnight gala buffet, which is organized on the last day. This is not a dinner; it is a review of all troops, a blow from very heavy artillery, and an exhibition of masterpieces all at once. First, the dishes are put on display, and passengers slowly walk along the tables, drooling and whirring with their video cameras. On the tables are round dances of lobsters, tower cakes, chocolate eagles, marzipan ships... Then a short command sounds: 'Bon appétit!' And more than full people, some – just from the table – sweep this beauty onto their plates.
How to Choose a Cruise
Cruises, like hotels, come in many different varieties. When choosing a cruise company, you need to take its features into account. For example, the ships of Celebrity Cruises are famous for the best French cuisine restaurants. The same Celebrity has the best beauty salons - with all sorts of exclusive preparations, capsules, solariums and other little things. Carnival Cruise Lines calls its liners "fun ships". It targets those who go on a cruise to have fun. Costa Cruises offers cruises in the Italian style: head waiters singing opera arias, cheerful waiters, round-the-clock pizza, a sea of Chianti, signors and signorinas. Royal Caribbean bets on unique liners - huge ones, stuffed with all sorts of things (including ice rinks, football fields and climbing walls). These are cruises with American scope and the American way of life. And the Cypriot sea trips of the Luis company on funny antediluvian "Princesses" cannot be called cruises at all.
Who is an all-inclusive vacation suitable for?
Arguing about the merits and demerits of all-inclusive hotels is pointless: you either accept it or reject it. Many people really like the fact that they can eat something tasty or have a drink at any time of day or night. Others prefer to find some nice little restaurant in the city and have lunch in a new place every day. Some people like it when they are entertained, taught to play golf, and fussed over in every possible way - they are the ones who should go straight to a club hotel. Others prefer to entertain themselves and cannot stand outside interference in their personal lives - an all-inclusive vacation is strictly contraindicated for them.
There is only one way to insure against surprises - to choose reliable travel agencies, to make inquiries by every available means. And the best thing is to ask several managers from several travel agencies who have been dealing with club vacations for many years.