“They tell three acquaintances about a successful trip, and ten about a failed one.” Almost all employees of our travel agencies repeat this phrase, trying their best to conform to the etiquette of the new European standard. After all, today business (and not just tourism) around the world begins with a polite smile, not with the phrase “What are you interested in?” Since Ukraine considers itself a European power, the question arises: do we meet these mysterious standards of the average European tourist? With the help of hotel workers, flight attendants, and travel agency managers, we have tried to compile a kind of classification. So...
1. Turistus obikvenius. This is an ordinary tourist of stable middle income. As a rule, he buys a not very expensive tour to countries well studied by others. Such a traveler does not need extra risk. Sometimes he goes on excursions with a group. More often, he just wanders the streets, photographing everything that catches his attention. When he gets bored, he fries on the beach, generously smearing his body with tanning oil and sticking a traditional leaf on his nose.
“Ordinary tourist” goes abroad only to relax, and relaxes with the whole family, including two-year-old children. For his child, he always tries to buy a lego set, even though there are plenty of them at home in nearby stores. Probably, he accustoms the child to “foreign” from childhood (I wonder how the little one feels?). There is no peace from such tourists in crowded places – they run around, fuss, shout over each other. This type is especially popular in countries with a mass influx of summer visitors – Bulgaria, Turkey, Slovakia.
2. Turistus snobistus. Despite the outward respectability, his financial capabilities are not very high. But for his hundred dollars, he wants to get comfort and attention worth a thousand. The snob always finds the water too hard, the sun too pale, the palm trees too short... A permanent desire to “keep up appearances” never leaves him day or night. Everyone must know about his belonging to the caste of the chosen – from the neighbor on the plane to the maid in the hotel. But even without words, this type of tourist is very easy to recognize – by the nose. The nose is always held high and disdainfully wrinkled.
The main goal is to collect materials (photos, captions) about the terrible conditions in which he found himself during his vacation. Upon arriving home, all this is presented to the travel agency that supposedly sent the poor fellow to a real hell. But the adventures of the dissatisfied do not end there – he must get compensation for moral damage! It is safe to say that such a tourist is the nightmare of every worker in the tourism business. He will drag them through the courts “for the truth.” As a rule, his claims are found to be groundless, but he manages to cause enough trouble.
3. Turistus primerius. Oh, this is a real dream of a travel manager! He submits documents on time, arrives at the airport two hours before check-in, and generally does not complain about anything. Moreover, after returning, he thanks the managers for a wonderful vacation, promises (and keeps the promise!) to provide “live advertising” for the agency among his acquaintances and friends. The exemplary tourist fully agrees with the hotel’s cultural and entertainment program. In museums, he collects all booklets and brochures to translate at home and write down unfamiliar words in a separate notebook. During the excursion, he listens attentively to the guide and even asks intelligent questions.
The journey for him begins with... the library. After all, one must thoroughly prepare and learn all the customs of the new country! Having arrived in China for the first time, this “straight-A student” already perfectly masters chopsticks. And in England, the queen herself would envy his truly British manners. But, according to hotel workers, this type of tourist is endangered. A pity. It is he who could make an impression on foreigners and improve the tarnished reputation of our compatriots abroad.
4. Turistus novoukrainius. Here he is – the hero of numerous jokes and tales! All of Europe shudders at the loud rings of his mobile phone during performances and movie screenings. He is unfamiliar with the proverb about whose monastery one should enter with which rule – the rule must be only his own! This tourist is like a child: he does not understand the meaning of the words “cannot” and “not accepted.” How can you not take pictures at the ruins of ancient temples? Why is it not accepted to meet women on the streets of Arab countries?
This type of tourist is easily recognized by the admiring look with which he gazes at the bright lights of night cities. His favorite pastime is filming with a video camera. And not so much the world-famous landmarks, but himself against their background. At travel agencies, such visitors are loved and they do not pay attention to their “peculiarity.” Moreover, they often leave nice “modest” gifts as a token of gratitude.
5. Turistus problemius. The metal detector at the airport would rather let through a punk covered from head to toe in iron than a problematic tourist. He will have to shake out his luggage several times to find the tickets that were inserted into the passport, which was in a bag, which was kept in a book, which... And so on ad infinitum.
The unlucky traveler always forgets his children on the beach, his parrot on the plane, and his head at home. It is he who runs after the bus, having been exactly 5 minutes late. And it is he who mistakenly bursts into someone else's room, having mixed up the keys. It seems that all the hotel doctors work only for him – either he slips in the pool, or he knocks out a tooth during an excursion. “I’d like to take handcuffs and chain such a tourist to a door handle,” dream hotel workers and guides. But in fact, the problematic tourist does not want to harm anyone. On the contrary, he offers his help to everyone with all his heart. It would be better if he didn’t, because his good deeds cause suffering to the whole group.
6. And finally, Turistus bisnesmenius. He cannot be seen walking the streets or relaxing at a café table. This person is extremely busy. He may visit Paris dozens of times but never see the Eiffel Tower or the Louvre. The businessman's eyes are fixed on a kilogram-heavy business notebook, and his ears hear only the ringing of a mobile phone.
Scenic spots and memorable places interest him little. The main thing is to get a good night's sleep before an important meeting. The day is scheduled minute by minute. Flight attendants even joke that during landing they have to explain to business-class passengers which country they have just landed in. Now the business tourist lands not only in European countries. Visiting Japan or Singapore is just a regular business trip for him.
No matter how we classify our Ukrainian tourist, workers in this field love their clients. And they all, as one, wish them, first of all, successful work and lots and lots of money that they could spend specifically on travel. And that they would buy tours specifically from their agencies.