Most domestic helpers in European families are girls from Ukraine, Russia, and the Baltics. Our interlocutor Natalya KOSHELENKO tells about how they live in a foreign country, how the hosts treat them, and what can be advised to those who want to try this job.
- Natasha, tell us how you became an au pair?
- It was 2000. I accidentally learned about the program from an acquaintance, and since I had been to America on a youth program before, I wanted to go to Europe and compare the lifestyles of Europeans and Americans. Besides, I was interested in getting to know German culture and improving my German. In America I lived on campus, but here I worked as an au pair in an ordinary family, so I could see German daily life from the inside.
- Is it hard to be an au pair?
- It all depends on your attitude. The main thing is not to treat the work as a heavy duty, but to try to become part of the family and enjoy being in the country and communicating with the child. Many families want to see an older sister for their child in the au pair and encourage a cheerful disposition, responsiveness, and sociability.
- Did you not feel psychological discomfort from the fact that the work of an au pair in some ways resembles the duties of a servant?
- That was not the case. The family is quite loyal people who perfectly understand my role. They are fairly well-off. The mother is a ceramic designer. She could leave for the whole week, or she could stay home for half a day. The father has a hereditary business - selling plumbing fixtures. The family has one child, 4.5 years old. Very active. They lived in their own three-story house, where I had my own rather large room (about 20 square meters) with a shower and sink. I did not have the feeling that I was some kind of second-class person. In my opinion, in this matter everything depends on how the au pair herself manages to define her place in the family.
- Tell us about your working day.
- Usually it was a rather busy day. 8:00 - getting up, morning hygiene, long coaxing of the child to change out of pajamas, light breakfast (sandwich with jam, juice, and muesli). By 9:00 - to kindergarten. Then until twelve I walked the dog, prepared lunch for the child and dad, and so on. At 12:00 - lunch. Then I cleared the table and went with the little one to the pool or to sports classes, after which we went to the playground or to visit children in another family. By six o'clock the boy's parents returned, and my free time began.
- Did you have to do housework?
- My responsibilities included keeping the child's room tidy. Once a week - cleaning on the hosts' floor. The cleaning lady did the rest.
- There is an opinion that German children are rather spoiled. How soon did you manage to find a common language with the child?
- After about a month and a half. Usually children test new au pairs, trying to compare them with previous ones. The German upbringing system is completely different from ours: they do not shout at the child and try to develop a free personality. It seems to me that their methods with children are in many ways more effective.
- Did you have enough language knowledge for full communication with the family?
- Before the trip, I thought I had a good command of foreign languages: I have known English since school, and I studied German at the institute (my specialty is tourism management). However, in Germany I really regretted that I had not brushed up on my German before the trip.
- Did you miss home a lot?
- That happened. In the first two weeks I had a real culture shock. Although I was not socially isolated - there were five other au pair girls working in the city with whom we became friends - I incredibly wanted to go home. Then it became easier, and after six months nostalgia began to gnaw again. The only salvation was communicating with loved ones by phone.
- How did you cope with the local climate?
- The climate of Germany does not differ much from ours, but it is a bit damp. I hardly noticed this feature, although many Germans in Lower Saxony suffer from a runny nose. Another thing is one of my acquaintances, Irina. Her acclimatization was very difficult - for a week the girl ate almost nothing, and the hostess even began to worry.
- When applying for the job, were you required to undergo a medical examination?
- I needed a medical certificate for the agency and a medical report from a therapist for the embassy.
- How did you manage meals?
- I cooked myself and ate with the family. They liked our pancakes and Olivier salad. But German cuisine seemed a bit peculiar to me, especially lentil soup, which is simply a shocking dish for our people. Also white sausages with sauerkraut. I confess, I did not immediately get used to the smell of this dish.
- How did you spend your free time?
- In the summer, using a weekend ticket, I and other au pair girls got acquainted with the sights of Germany. The ticket allows a group of up to five people to travel on trains of a certain class in any direction for 24 hours (on Saturday or Sunday) - and we often used it. In winter it is harder. Since the town is small (45 minutes by train to the nearest big city), the only entertainment left was the pool, movies, and communication with friends.
- Where did you manage to visit?
- The family gave me a tour to Paris, took me to the Schwarzwald (Black Forest) and to the peninsula of Sylt. Besides that, I traveled myself to all the major cities of Germany. I was very pleased to realize that I, an ordinary student who does not have too much money, could afford to admire the beauties of, for example, Dresden. This gave a special flavor to my trips.
- Did they give you pocket money?
- Yes, 400 marks. That was quite enough for me. The only mistake was that I didn't quit smoking. Cigarettes are very expensive in Germany. So the first thing I advise is to part with bad habits. And at the moment, as far as I know, the amount of pocket money is 205 euros. In addition, there is talk that from January 2006 the au pair salary will increase to 260 euros.
- What did you spend your money on?
- On travel, language courses, shopping during sales. In Germany, there are many temptations to part with pocket money - very good shoes, clothes. You can choose wonderful goods for children here, so there will always be suitable gifts for little ones.
- Do you regret the trip?
- If I hadn't gone, I would have lost a lot. Upon arrival, I immersed myself in carrying out plans in which Germany played a role. And although I fell behind in my studies at the institute, I don't regret it at all. During a year of living with a German family, I learned a great deal, I think much more than I could have learned here in three years. And now I can confidently say that working as an au pair allows you to integrate into society and learn a foreign language much faster than many other programs.
- Do you keep in touch with the family you worked for? Do you write to each other? Do you visit?
- For about a year, that was the case. Now, unfortunately, we have lost touch. However, I have au pair acquaintances who keep in touch with their family even though several years have already passed.
- If you had a daughter, would you send her to work as an au pair?
- I wouldn't mind. I believe that working as an au pair is a good school of life, but not in the sense of extreme conditions, but as a step toward self-discovery, as an opportunity to get to know the culture and mentality of other people. Now I am helping to organize a trip to Germany for my cousin.
- What do you advise her?
- Try not to give in to the temptation to speak Russian with friends. There are many Russian-speaking people in Germany, and because of that, au pairs often don't bring their foreign language (German and English) up to the required level. To master the language, you need to immerse yourself in the mentality of another nation, understand its life, and try to see things through its eyes. For that, the main thing is to communicate more with the family. And besides, I would advise her to be active, be sure to attend language courses, and not skimp on them.