But with Glühwein, it's a completely different matter. They start selling it in Germany in mid-November, and by January it completely disappears from the shelves. In our opinion, this is at least strange. Just like the closure of Christmas markets with the pouring and drinking of the aforementioned exactly on the day after Christmas. You'd think people are having fun, drinking and snacking, and then bam – the shop closes!
It's astonishing: everything functions properly, brings in considerable income, and then, for some unknown reason, the excellent business comes to an end. And the huts that produce millions of liters of Glühwein for Christmas are locked up until the next year. Of course, guzzling Glühwein in summer is the height of idiocy, but there are at least two more cold months ahead!
Moreover, recently there have been complaints in the German press: supposedly, Christmas trinkets – Lebkuchen, Glühwein, Stollen – are being sold too early, disrupting the usual pre-holiday order. Germans joke about it: if someone on the street is chewing Lebkuchen in mid-October, it's either a Russian, a Turk, or some other infidel. For the locals, until Advent – no way, no-no!
So, in light of all the above, one should get drunk on Glühwein within the shortest time allotted by German traditions. By the way, convinced fans of 'white liquor', as the best representatives of the stronger sex, brutal and enterprising, can stop reading here. And to be honest, they shouldn't have read this far, since for them Glühwein is just a compote, a sweet drink of pampered foreigners from an utterly effeminate Europe. Well, those who don't have an excess of brutality can take note of some facts that I'll risk dwelling on. Especially since, probably, on the domestic alcohol market now, knock on wood, there is everything like in Greece, and I hope that Glühweins are no exception.
Quite a few will object: what fool would buy ready-made Glühwein instead of making it himself? As you wish, I'll answer, please do, as much as you want. But only repeated attempts, mine and my friends', always ended up creating some other drink. And we never managed to replicate the natural factory Glühwein.
So, Glühweins are made from red wine. True, its monopoly has been severely violated recently. Previously, according to connoisseurs, white wine Glühwein was sold only at the 'Weihnachtsmarkt' in Strasbourg. It's understandable: although it's France, almost Germany, one word – Alsace. I tried it – I liked it. But since last year, white Glühwein has appeared at all Christmas markets, with the note 'according to an old Bavarian recipe'.
This all applies to Glühwein from ordinary wine. It is also divided into good and not so good. The more expensive, the better, but after two euros per liter you stop feeling the improvement in quality.
Next item on our program – Glühweins from berry wines. In my unsophisticated opinion, one should prefer Glühwein made from elderberry (HolunderGlühwein). It's not as cloying and quite pungent in taste. Glühweins from blueberries, cherries, strawberries, and a mix of forest berries and fruits are very tasty. Everywhere in the above drinks, natural ingredients are used, not any chemical flavorings or taste additives. At least, that's what manufacturers write on the bottles, and I have no reason not to trust German manufacturers.
Standing apart is the so-called 'hunter's tea' (Jaegertee) – an Austrian 'specialty'. It is made from black tea with a generous addition of fruit brandy (Obstler) and/or rum. Jaegertee is stronger than Glühwein (up to 15%) and is also drunk exclusively hot. It's a traditional energizing drink when skiing.
A new item this season at German 'Weihnachtsmärkte' is hot beer (Glühbier). This is a Belgian concoction, made from cherry beer 'kriek'. It has been produced in East Flanders since 1679. 6%, tasty and not so sweet. For some reason, it is served in glass mugs – cools instantly.
The main commandment when drinking Glühwein is never to do it indoors. That's a monstrous profanation of the holiest! The option of going out into nature is extremely attractive. Drinking Glühwein from a camp pot over a fire is simply a fairy tale! And certain additions are necessary, about which we will say a little later. Even if you made Glühwein at home, light a good old pipe and go to the balcony with a thermos. Glühwein warms the blood extremely, so no cold will get to you.
And also: the best time of day for drinking is under the cover of night darkness. In this regard, the issue of tableware, i.e., mugs, is extremely relevant, so that Glühwein doesn't cool down too quickly in the frost. Well, that they should be earthenware is clear, I hope, to everyone. Even better if the container tapers upward: less heat loss. And the best option is an earthenware mug with a lid. You should hold the mug by its body: both your hands get warmed and the drink cools slower.
And now about the most important thing. You can, of course, drink regular Glühwein, you can drink Glühwein from berry wines, you can drink Jaegertee, but some, including your humble servant, still prefer something stronger. In this regard, the fundamental question of consuming Glühwein is 'Schuss' (literally 'shot'). That's what the locals call adding a certain portion of strong alcohol to hot Glühwein. In our opinion, paraphrasing a known axiom: Glühwein without a 'Schuss' is money thrown away. And here we embark on the thorny path of experimentation, fully traversed by our great predecessor Venedikt Erofeev. Naturally, we do not dare to claim any metaphysicality of experiments, unlike the predecessor. And where in modern Germany can you find genuine metaphysics?! But still, we allow ourselves to use some of Erofeev's formulations, given their enduring and universal content.
So, drinking just mulled wine, even in half-liter mugs, is “nothing but vexation of spirit and vanity.” Adding rum to it is “a certain caprice, but no pathos.” Some add gin to mulled wine – this “calms the conscience and reconciles a person to the ulcers of life.” If you add the same amount of Doppelkorn to the mug, or, God forbid, Klarer, “there is not a drop of nobility in it, but there is a bouquet.” “But if a person does not want to trample the universe in vain, then let him send to hell” both rum and gin, and splash about 50 grams of whiskey into his mug. This means ordinary whiskey, since it is foolish to adulterate mulled wine with single malt. Somewhat different, but also beneficial, is the effect of brandywine (grape vodka) of local production. But I advise no one to aggravate mulled wine with Obstler.
But in reality, in my unpretentious taste, “the music of the spheres” will sound for you only when mulled wine is consumed together with herbal (and other) liqueurs. Many of you, it seems to me, will reproach your humble servant for utter insanity. “Well, you've gone too far, brother,” you will say. “They are sweet beyond measure. Won't something get sticky, brother?” It's been tested, it won't get sticky. Moreover, mulled wine and liqueurs absolutely complement each other! In this combination, “the music of the spheres” is most harmonious and heard quite distinctly. Even Italian sambuca is suitable for this (better, of course, Cypriot, black), not to mention the quintessentially German product Jägermeister.
In general terms, that's all I intended to share with you. I wish you successful tastings in the new year. Remember: “you should drink it all with the appearance of the first star, in large sips, stirring with a honeysuckle twig.” As for honeysuckle, the German Weihnachtsmarkts haven't caught on yet. Well, of course – where would they!
Pyotr SYTENKOV.
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