Oh, if only our “bargain hunter” had believed us at least once that the price of a product being purchased is almost always equivalent to its quality... If he had believed us at least once, he wouldn’t have chased after cheapness like the legendary priest... Perhaps he wouldn’t be lying in the hospital now, and attentive traumatologists wouldn’t be working their magic over him, trying to heal the poor fellow from wounds inflicted by a non-stick frying pan that ended up in the hands of his accurate and furious life companion!
Do you want to play “cops and robbers”?
Now absolutely seriously. Especially since the topic of frauds related to the infamous “bargains” deserves the closest attention. It deserves it, because over the past years, tens of thousands of native residents of the country, and thousands of immigrants and Aussiedlers who joined them, have become victims of these very “bargains”. Well, today we will tell in sufficient detail about the fraudulent tricks of “sellers-at-a-loss” so that new simpletons do not fall into their snares.
Hard to believe, but in first place - in terms of profitability for swindlers and prevalence in Germany - are the so-called “carpet sales at rock-bottom prices”. To give the reader an idea of the scale of this phenomenon, we report: not long ago in Munich, a whole gang of carpet dealers was arrested, having “raked in” about a quarter of a million euros over several months from this occupation. Of course, we will also tell about the technology of this deception.
Method one, called “Cops and Robbers”. A method aimed at newly arrived citizens who have not yet settled in the country. So, a fellow wanders into a dormitory inhabited by “green” immigrants, offering an excellent carpet for... 2, 3, 5 euros. The argumentation for such a price, as performed by the seller, is not so important to us in this case. Because for the one whose eyes light up at the sight of a “bargain purchase”, it is not so important whether the salesman’s “grandmother died” or he “urgently needs money for schnapps”. After paying, you, the owner of a burning gaze, are preparing to throw the “Persian carpet” at your wife’s feet (while telling her that you acquired the treasure for, say, 15 euros, thereby saving some schnapps money for yourself). However, in about an hour, a real reckoning awaits you, you sly one: “policemen” will come to you, who will joyfully show you a portrait of the seller, report that this “notorious thief” has just been caught, and unobtrusively explain that you have purchased stolen goods. As a result, not only will they confiscate the cheap carpet, but they will also issue you a fine, simultaneously pocketing 30 to 100 euros in cash. Euros that will go into the common pot of the well-coordinated team of “thieves and policemen”.
Here the reader, enriched with knowledge, may balk: “But I’ll punch those fake policemen in the eye! Keep the carpet for myself and report the scoundrels to the real police!” Believe me, you shouldn’t do this for many reasons, and a discussion of these reasons is a separate topic. For now, take it as a given: simply don’t let these professional swindlers, who parasitize on “bargains”, cross your threshold. Among other things, they are excellent psychologists, capable of “talking” even a prepared person into a purchase.
Let us also draw attention to two more notable features of the described trick. First, these pseudo-salesmen and pseudo-policemen are indeed convincing and not devoid of artistic talent. For example, a carpet dealer (“thief”) complaining about the “need to cure a hangover” often looks as if he had been boozing for two nights straight, and his alcoholic breath could knock out even a skunk. Second, out of curiosity, compare the timing of the appearance of the “carpet peddlers” with the timing of... social benefit payments. It will not be difficult to see that swindler-salesmen visit our brother exactly when he still has cash.
Carpets from Saddam and Roofing for a Village
Method two, called “Carpets from Saddam Hussein”. A method designed for a wealthier audience. At a local flea market (or on Sunday, next to a real carpet store), a car stops, and several swarthy lads get out. The lads open the trunk - and it is full of carpets, which are immediately offered to all comers at “bargain” prices: 100-300 euros. These carpets, according to the sellers, are not just real Persian, but no more, no less than... “brought out of Saddam Hussein’s palaces”. Oh, why are you selling “unique items” so cheaply, eh? Hey, my friend, a family of refugees from a war-torn country simply has nothing to eat! Seeing a “non-local” in the buyer, the lads sometimes shamefacedly go for a confession: “Yes, we stole a bit! What can you do!”
Curiously, this confession of theft works on some people no worse than a quality certificate: “So, they really are from Saddam’s palaces!” In the end, after the deal is completed, the “bargain hunter” has two options. First: to be in good faith delusion, himself walking around in white socks over a 20-euro fake and with aplomb convincing guests that they are brazenly trampling a carpet that once belonged to the dictator. Second: to take the “unique item” to an appraiser and for just 1% of the real price find out that he, that is, not the appraiser, but the “bargain hunter”, has been skillfully duped.
In the case of “dumped” carpets, there is, of course, one dubious consolation: even the natives, eternally distrustful and accustomed to checking the harmony of any deal with the algebra of the German mind, are by no means rare victims of carpet sellers’ tricks. More than that, they get caught in ways our folks never dreamed of. Here is just one example: some wealthy clients ordered a firm to do roofing work for all the houses in a village. They asked for an estimate and paid it to the cent. They asked for the estimate to be redone and - again generously paid. When the time came for the money transfer, they suddenly announced that they were “experiencing a week-long cash flow problem.” Well, the firm pulled off a unique deal with the “reliable clients”: taking as collateral from the “poor fellows” ... yes, yes, those very “medieval Persian carpets”! It transferred them - attention! - 290 thousand euros. So that with the money received, the client could pay for his order, in essence, returning it to the firm’s account.
The outcome of the roofing business is obvious: the roofers were left with cheap, homemade coatings, and the clients simply vanished across the vast expanses of Europe.
However, let us leave Germany for a while - a country where not only seasoned criminals but also quite law-abiding owners of licensed shops sometimes cash in on "Schnaeppchen" (for example, by declaring a "dumping" price from the original, outrageously inflated price, called here Mondpreis - "moon price"). Let us leave it and set off on a shopping tour with a wealthy Ivan, Waldemar, or Reuben across those same vast expanses of Europe.
You have surely heard that in country T. you can buy good gold at dump prices. No doubt you know that in state S. audio and video equipment is often sold off at almost residual value. Finally, you are aware that the land I. is simply populated by retailers who take their goods to highways and sell "under the table" to avoid draconian taxation. Excellent, so you are ripe for the popular "euro-Schnaeppchen tour"! Now, without naming, for reasons of political correctness, the countries where the following cases occurred, we will give the floor to the victims themselves - Russian-speaking "hunters for euro-Schnaeppchen".
How to Become a Real Saracen
Alexander D. (42), from Dortmund, recounts: "Hard to believe, but from a trip to... I returned with a real medieval yataghan, bought at a rock-bottom price in a small shop. The price really was so low that I even doubted the authenticity of the sabre and consulted an expert. He confirmed: the item is genuine, unique. No wonder when the shop owner's relatives, supposedly passing through Germany with goods, called me, I agreed to meet. Even if the guys' documents didn't show they were relatives of the owner - their names are difficult! - the oafs showed the original bill of sale that I had signed when buying the yataghan! In short, they convinced me. They convinced me and, on trust, foisted on me supposedly unique daggers, armor, and so on. This time I lost about 5,000 euros, but I became a "real Saracen." Out of curiosity, I went to the expert again, and he stunned me: "All this is cheap fakes that you can buy in any local souvenir shop for foreigners!" I went back there again: "Dad, what's the deal?!" And he told me: "I don't know those guys, and your bill of sale was stolen from me!""
Cadaveric Spots at a Rock-Bottom Price
Ada L. (31), from Mönchengladbach, recounts: "In a café in a border town, a good-looking young man sat down next to me: 'Russi? I love Russi!' We got acquainted, he showed me around the city, showed me the sights, and then organized - casually, as it were - an excursion to a private jewelry factory producing gold ornaments. The things there were of indescribable beauty. I timidly asked: can't one buy such things? You can, they said, why not! And at a dumping price. They have a shop at the factory, selling without markup. In short, I spent 900 euros and bought necklaces, rings, bracelets exactly like the ones a craftsman was working on in the workshop before my eyes. And a month later my fingers, wrists, and neck became covered with such "cadaveric spots." I thought about going to the doctor, but I looked at my jewelry from the back - and the gilding had come off. Some metal of unclear origin covered my body with a blue tint!"
"Lower the Price, Son of a Jackal!"
Viktor L. (28), from Hamburg, recounts: "It was clear at once that the foreign shop was catering to tourists from Germany: a sign in German hung in the window - "Schnaeppchen!" I went in, and I see a fine video camera with a price tag: "Instead of 2,000 euros - 400!" There are no such "schnaeppchen" in Germany! Here, if such equipment is offered at 50% off the price, then it's either broken or stolen. I went to the salesman: "Why so cheap? Any defects?" And he, sincerely: "You offend me, dear, not a single defect! If you want, see for yourself: there's an appraiser sitting in the next pavilion!" How would colluding Russian crooks have acted? They'd have both tried to assure me the camera had no issues. These didn't. The appraiser started yelling at the salesman: "Like, you're a liar, son of a jackal and the shadow of the shit of a sick dog, why are you offending a tourist?! Here's a defect!" And he shows me: two small scratches on the bottom. After the quarrel, the "expert" simply forced the salesman to knock off another hundred. He was very displeased, shoved the camera into my hands, took three hundred-euro bills, and even turned away. Can you imagine how pleased I was with this "schnaeppe"?! But back in Hamburg, my camera broke in no time. I took it to the workshop, and they explained: a factory defect, it'll cost more to repair than to buy a new one!"
Well, now that the author, I think, has thoroughly scared bargain hunters, it is time to tell something edifying. In fact, Schnaeppchen, in their originally intended form, have not gone anywhere. Simply, to actually save money rather than lose it, it is advisable not to deal with dubious traders, especially those who come to your home.