An old Italian proverb advises: 'Don't take a wife and a bull from afar.' Roberto Leone, a forty-year-old programmer from Turin, went against tradition. When word got around that he was going to marry a girl from Ukraine, his relatives and acquaintances became worried. Some even warned: 'Think carefully, Roberto! Of course, she is beautiful, but after all, who knows what she has in mind? Will she be a tender wife, a good housewife, a kind mother to your children?' But the groom stood his ground - the wedding will take place! And what did the bride think? They will tell about it themselves.
'Our wedding took place last year, in summer,' says Tatyana Cherepenko. 'And before that, we corresponded for more than three years, talked on the phone, communicated via the Internet. The hardest part was enduring all the bureaucratic red tape in obtaining a marriage permit. In Italy there is no such concept as a 'bride visa,' so I came to Turin (with all the necessary documents) on a tourist visa and already there, on the spot, continued the registration process. In total, it took eight months - five in Ukraine and three in Italy. To be honest, I was sometimes simply overcome by despair - it seemed there would be no end to the waiting. But Roberto kept saying: we will succeed! And I believed him...'
Italian childhood memories
Tanya got acquainted with Italy at the age of 12, when, through a school exchange program, she got to stay with an Italian family. The relationship turned out to be very warm, and after the girl left for home, they began to correspond. Later, Tanya repeatedly visited this family.
Time passed, Tanya graduated from the philosophy faculty of Kiev University, studied Italian at the Cultural Center at the Italian Embassy in Ukraine, and did postgraduate studies. She often accompanied groups of children to Italy, interpreted during business meetings, and worked at exhibitions. Gradually, she began to communicate with that family via ICQ. And one day, someone unknown 'knocked' on her ICQ.
'Back then, in 2001, we just started corresponding,' recalls Tanya. 'I talked about my postgraduate studies, he shared his problems. Then we exchanged photos.' In an electronic program for direct communication, a person is like an open book: there is no time to invent anything or consult with anyone about how to present yourself more appealingly. 'I liked Roberto's frankness. He did not hide that he was older than me, that he had already been married, but family life did not work out (by that time he had already been divorced for three years), and that he had a nine-year-old son, Emanuele. And Roberto also sincerely took an interest in my life, and it seemed to me that he was a romantic. In any case, no one had ever written me such letters - they were full of meaning and feeling,' Tanya smiles. 'But actually, I made no plans for marriage...'
Love that Peeked Out of the World Wide Web
Roberto, on the other hand, had very serious plans. The fact is that the mother of his friend is Russian. More than 30 years ago, she married an Italian guy, and now their international and very happy family lives in Turin. Perhaps it was this that pushed him to dream of a Slavic wife?
Before meeting Tanya, he had already come to Kiev five times: he brought groups of Italian grooms to meet potential Ukrainian brides. And none of them found a life partner! 'I think both sides are to blame,' Roberto sighs. 'Italian guys, once they get to Kiev's discos, simply lose their heads over the beauty of your girls. Look even now: here we are sitting in an ordinary summer cafe, and around us there are an incredible number of dressed-up beauties! And at a disco even more so... But most of the girls met there are not oriented toward serious relationships. And the language barrier also hinders communication.'
Roberto tried to explain to his guys that a future wife should be sought in a museum, a library, or on a walk in the park. You don't need to choose a photo model, but look for a simple girl. And you cannot buy love - you can only buy sex. He himself also did not find a kindred soul. And that is why he considers his chance acquaintance with Tatyana on ICQ a gift of fate.
Their virtual communication continued. And when Roberto wanted to come for a visit, Tanya realized: everything was becoming very serious. 'The most important thing for me was to prepare dad!' she laughs. 'He raised me alone for the last nine years.' (Tanya's mother died.) Vasily Aksentyevich - a surgeon, a serious and strict man - was quite wary of the idea of a foreign fiancé. Roberto wrote a long letter in which he told everything about himself and shared plans for their future life together. Tanya, worried, translated the message and, waiting until dad was in a good mood, slipped the letter to him. He read for a long time, then came out to his daughter and pronounced his verdict: 'All right, let him come,' and added: 'Well, he is simply a Leo Tolstoy for you!' Apparently, love awakened in Roberto an unprecedented eloquence.
And then everything was as it usually is for all couples in love. Roberto came to Kiev and received consent from Tanya's father for his only daughter to build her family nest in distant Italy. Then she went to Turin to meet the groom's family. Signor Sabino and Signora Maria-Teresa received her as one of their own. They took his 'Ukrainian' choice calmly: Signora Maria-Teresa had visited Russia in her youth; they also have acquaintances in Poland, so a 'foreign' daughter-in-law did not frighten them. Tanya was very worried about how Emanuele would react to their upcoming marriage, but Roberto's little son became friends with her unusually easily and quickly. Then came the wedding, the move, and a gradual 'growing into' everyday Italian life.
For a year now, Tanya has been living in Turin. “Knowing Italian helped me a lot. Some of Roberto's acquaintances were wary of me: in Italy, women from former Soviet countries have a bad reputation, and unfortunately, often quite deservedly. For the first six months, the police have the right to come to an international family at any time of day: to check whether the spouses are running a joint household, and they question the neighbors about it. Fake marriages are not so rare. Therefore, I advise girls who decide to tie their lives to an Italian man to learn as much as possible about the country and its customs, and to be sincere, kind, and natural.”
Time flies, the mother-in-law is teaching her Ukrainian daughter-in-law to cook pasta (that's what spaghetti is called in Italy), and Emanuele is spending more and more time at their house. Tanya helps him with his homework, they go for walks together and go shopping.
Roberto is very proud of his beautiful Ukrainian wife. Once at a disco they heard a group of people discussing them: “Look at the beauty next to him! He must be very rich.” “And when we went outside, they followed us to see what luxury car we would get into,” Roberto recalls. “That was the first time I felt very ashamed of my old Fiat. But Tanya only laughed and said, let them be ashamed for being used to measuring relationships by the thickness of their wallets.”
There are no particular problems with the kitchen. Roberto loves pelmeni, golubtsy, vareniki, and home-style roast with mushrooms. At first he was extremely wary of borscht, saying nothing good could come from beets. But Tanya took a very wise position: “You try it. If you don't like it, I won't cook it anymore.” It turned out to be quite good, actually. True, instead of sour cream, he puts grated cheese in his borscht. Roberto cooks the Italian dishes, and in particularly complicated cases, for example when a proper lasagna needs to be made according to all the rules, Maria Teresa is called for help.
Tanya has already received a temporary (two-year) residence permit and is starting to look for work: life in Italy is getting more expensive, and it's impossible to live on only her husband's salary. Roberto notes that in Ukraine he doesn't see a middle class, and in Italy its boundaries are gradually becoming blurred. For example, his salary hasn't been raised in ten years, while prices have risen significantly during that time: they spend €100–150 a week on food. Gasoline has also gone up: a liter costs up to €1.5. Over the last couple of years, pensioners have had their pensions increased by as much as €3.
But they still have to pay off a loan for their apartment! It's good that Tanya already has a temporary job at the sports committee – Turin is actively preparing for the upcoming Olympic Games. Roberto's friends came to an unexpected conclusion: of course, Signora Tanya is bella (“beauty”), but what is much more important, she is dolce (“gentle, feminine”). And they are already starting to ask how they, too, could meet a Ukrainian girl. Maybe Signor Leone could help? But Roberto has learned from his own experience that a person must arrange his own happiness himself.
Secrets for internet brides
And yet, why do Italian men seek brides in faraway Ukraine? After all, everyone has heard about the beauty of Italian women. Roberto sighs: yes, Italian women are still beautiful, but since 1978, taking advantage of changes in legislation, women in Italy have taken an independent position. Many simply do not marry. A good salary gives them the opportunity to live well, have fun, buy expensive clothes, and go on vacation to the sea or abroad. Italian women don't want to complicate their lives with anything.
Nowadays in Italy it is not customary to court a girl. For example, when getting off a bus, you should not offer your hand to your female companion – she might take offense, thinking you mistake her for an invalid. Italian women do not seek affection, warmth, or gentleness. On the contrary, they want men to be tough, firm, and true machos. They are losing their femininity; it seems to them that in today's world it is not really needed. And gallant behavior is characteristic only of the older generation. Moreover, young Italian women have become very calculating: they are ready to give up their freedom only for a lot of money. And Roberto dreamed of creating a family like his parents had.
Is it easy to live in an international marriage? “Of course, such relationships mutually enrich each other; children absorb the cultural values of both countries. But finding a common language is very difficult: you need to accept both the good and the bad - and try to understand the person. In no case should you marry a country - you will have to live with a person, not with the sights of Rome, Venice, or Florence,” Tanya is sure.
And Roberto adds: “Don't forget, jealousy is in the blood of Italian men. Sometimes they aren't happy about it themselves, but they can't help it! This especially applies to Southerners. Therefore, a wife's flirting with other men can provoke a family scandal. Having brought a foreign wife, many begin to severely limit her freedom. For example, they forbid her to wear high-heeled shoes or a short skirt – so as not to attract the attention of other men. Sometimes families fall apart because of these stupid disagreements.”
And linguistic misunderstandings can also cause a storm in a teacup. “For example, in Italian it is not customary to say 'pass me this' or 'do this and that'. An Italian husband, hearing such a thing, can be terribly offended,” Tanya shares from her experience. “We Ukrainian women are used to talking that way and don't see anything offensive in it. But in Italy, such an imperative tone is used only with servants. To get a result, you just need to slightly rephrase: 'Darling, could you do this' or 'Could you pass me...' These seem like little things, but they affect the everyday atmosphere in the house.”
The time to say goodbye is approaching. In parting, Roberto says seriously: he is glad that things didn't work out with his previous family - he found his happiness only now. And Tanya quietly says: "You know when I felt that my home is in Italy? Once, when we were watching TV, Emanuele ran up, climbed onto the sofa between us, hugged us both and declared: 'You are my family!' I just had tears welling up in my eyes then."
Actually, everything in life is very simple: your home is where your heart is. It's that way everywhere - both in Ukraine and in Italy. And the trajectory of love will show you the way home.