“You can't live like this!” — at some distressing moment in life, our compatriot decisively declares and begins the process of waxing his skis to go abroad. There can be a thousand motivating reasons for “I need to leave”: the neighbors are bastards, the boss is a miser and a fool, or a foot stepped on in the subway. But the most important one is the material question.
In our time, with our life experience, it is not particularly difficult to go somewhere for permanent residence or, at the very least, for work. Suppose all obstacles are overcome, passports have become heavier by exactly the weight of an entry visa, a farewell bottle of the “bitter” has been happily drunk, the plane has taken you into its belly, and the stewardess has said, say, “Shalom!” Off we go.
Upon arrival in Israel and after passing all sorts of passport controls and customs, you can take a taxi that will take you anywhere in the country, but — for very extra money. Therefore, I recommend a no less comfortable way — wait for a bus. They don’t use LiAZes there, the seats are quite soft, central air conditioners always work, and as for speed — the bus often gets there faster. You can catch a taxi already in the city of your new place of residence. Be sure to bargain with taxi drivers. By the way, most of them speak fluent Russian — business inspires.
It is advisable to know Hebrew in Israel. English too, since few people there understand Ukrainian. But situations vary. From my own experience: once I spent a long and unsuccessful time trying to communicate with a native in broken Hebrew and good English with an admixture of Russian words. The Israeli listened long and patiently, tried to understand, finally couldn’t bear it, waved his hand and said in heartfelt exasperation: “Cholera jasna!” — “Pan mówi po polsku?” — “Oczywiście,” he said joyfully and in amazement. Then we chatted for a long time — he in Polish, I in Ukrainian.
It must be said that Israelis only at first glance seem to be a homogeneous mass. In fact, Israeli society is structured not only and not so much by property or professional criteria as by countries of origin. Immigrants from Poland and immigrants from Romania are two completely different groups of Jews. Not to mention the Teimanim (repatriates from Yemen) or Moroccans. Communities are very jealous of representatives from other countries of origin. Today, conflicts on inter-Jewish grounds practically do not happen. But at one time there were even mass brawls, for example between Moroccans and Georgians.
By the way, in Israel, Ukraine and about Ukraine is known quite well, unlike the vast majority of other countries of developed capitalism. Immigrants from our country, Poland and Belarus at one time formed the backbone of the Israeli elite. But there are nuances here too. Repatriates (or olim) of the late 1980s to this day were called the “sausage aliyah,” believing that people came not to fulfill the great Zionist idea, but simply to escape poverty and political instability. So, in Israel they distinguish between Ukrainians — new repatriates and, say, Galicians — immigrants from Galicia from the beginning of the last century until the 1960s. Therefore, a resident of Lviv who calls himself a Galician in Israel has a higher status in society. And status means decent work, that is, work that is paid accordingly. If you have a job, you are a respected person.
As for getting a job — a very important aspect of life in Israel — other things being equal, a repatriate from Ukraine in the eyes of an employer has an advantage over exactly the same applicant from Russia. Our compatriots have proven themselves as hard workers and simply people who can be relied upon in a responsible situation.
From the very first days of your stay, it becomes clear that you need to try to save. Many emigrants and foreign workers buy groceries at markets. This is correct, because prices there are indeed somewhat lower than in supermarkets or small shops, where you can buy a minimal set of products, cigarettes, a Russian-language newspaper, and whatever else your heart desires. So, it is only beneficial to shop at markets for those who live close by. Because the rest will spend exactly the same amount of money on the way there and back as they intended to save.
Mass immigration from the Union led to the emergence of entire branches of trade oriented toward Soviet repatriates. Russian bookstores, video salons, repair shops, and “Russian” grocery stores are available in almost all cities and in abundance. In “Russian” shops, prices bite, but you have to pay for food nostalgia. By the way, most of the goods are locally produced. Dairy products are supplied directly from kibbutzim. Black bread is also not baked in Poltava; some neighbor, Chaim Sidorov, who has installed a couple of electric ovens, does this. Therefore, their black bread looks exactly the same, but in taste, it’s two-zero in favor of ours. Sometimes there are even queues in Israeli stores — for sweets, chocolate, and beer from the countries of the former Union.
Returning to the means and methods of transportation, it should be noted that the fare for a shared taxi is lower than the price of a bus ticket. But with buses — the main and primary public transport in Israel — not everything is simple. There are cards for eleven trips at the price of ten; you can also purchase a monthly pass. This allows you to save significantly, because a one-way trip (say, within Tel Aviv) costs approximately the equivalent of a dollar. And if you have to make one or two transfers, then buying a pass is justified. Of course, if you run around in taxis, then the savings will be simply staggering. But the heat...
It must be said that in Israel there are no trams or trolleybuses. There is a railway (trains similar to our commuter trains, only more comfortable), but its shares were bought up by bus companies. And the train schedule is drawn up in such a way that involuntarily, from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, Netanya, or Haifa, it is more convenient to get by bus. By the way, at the central bus station there was the only pay toilet in all of Israel – apparently, specially for Russian tourists. An Israeli would never think of relieving himself for money.
The central bus station itself is a very interesting structure, listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the largest building of its kind in the world. The designers really did a good job – they used the terrain in such a way that the five-story bus station has a whole series of entrances and exits to and from different streets. You can walk around Tel Aviv's "tahana merkazit" for days: besides the actual platforms, ticket offices, and information points, the bus station is literally stuffed with grocery, household goods, souvenir, and book stores, as well as restaurants, bars, and cafés.
An Israeli family of average income visits a restaurant at least once a week. A decent dinner will cost, converted to dollars, somewhere around thirty to forty. If you book a table for three or more, expect a gift from the restaurant. Usually it is a bottle of good wine; in Russian restaurants, a chilled bottle of vodka will be placed on the table "from the establishment." The number of decent places with very good cuisine is enormous, because each community brought with it culinary preferences and skills. You can't bring yourself to recommend just one cuisine. Better to use that very tongue to sample the most diverse dishes of Moroccan, Ashkenazi, Persian, and Georgian cuisine.
You can have a quick bite at street eateries – falafel stands. Falafel is ground beans fried in vegetable oil. Falafel plus shawarma is the favorite food of Israelis. Only, the portions are about three times larger than what we are used to. Shawarma is made from beef, lamb, or turkey meat. Pita – a flatbread into which meat or falafel balls are stuffed – is spread on the inside with hummus. In addition, you can take onto a separate plate as many assorted salads and all sorts of pickles and spicy things as your soul desires and your stomach can hold. This is considered a free addition to the main dish. I recommend being very careful with small, unprepossessing green peppers – sometimes it is enough to lick one with your tongue, and then you will spend the whole day drinking water in a vain hope of extinguishing the fire in your mouth.
American fast-food restaurants are popular only among children of primary and middle school age. And even then, only because of the flashy design and free distribution of toys and balloons. Also, a hungry motorist might stop by a roadside fast-food place.
A separate topic is drinking. You need to drink a lot and often. In the Middle Eastern sun, getting dehydrated is as easy as anything. Israelis are taught from childhood the need to drink; at language courses for new arrivals, this postulate is repeated tirelessly. Don't try to be clever. Tourist "khokhmas" (by the way, "khokhma" – with the stress on the last syllable – in Hebrew means wisdom) à la USSR, like, it's enough to rinse your mouth and thirst will be gone, do not work in the Middle East. You will easily lose consciousness on the street. And the first thing a doctor, jumping out of an "ambulance" that appears as if from nowhere, will do is pour water from a bottle into your parched mouth (that bottle is an indispensable attribute of any Israeli walking down the street). It is believed that in hot weather a person should drink at least two liters of water or juice a day. Tea, coffee, cocoa, and milk do not count. And since in Israel, as Jews joke, half the year is summer, and the other half is just very hot, you need to drink a lot every day.
Interestingly, if with us, when receiving a guest, it is customary to ask whether he would like to dine with you, then Israelis will first ask whether he wants to drink. Climate is a determining factor even in the formation of speech etiquette.
For smokers, it will be interesting to know that cigarettes are very expensive, but there is an alternative – to use the services of people from the Caucasus. Near any large shopping center, there will definitely be an old Givi or Shalva sitting with several packs of cigarettes in his hands. And nearby is parked a car from whose trunk the trade in the smoking product takes place. They sell by cartons, at a price one and a half to two times lower than the officially set one. At the Jaffa Port, they say, you can buy even cheaper, but no less than a case. I don't know if that's true, but acquaintances told me that a significant part of fishing schooners is engaged not so much in fishing as in moving, in neutral waters, boxes of alcohol and cigarettes from the decks of their Turkish counterparts.
There are very few German goods in Israel. Many elderly Israelis, as a matter of principle, do not buy anything made in Germany. I remember I searched for a long time and unsuccessfully for "Blend-a-med," to which I had become addicted long ago. The search was unsuccessful. It's good that friends from Düsseldorf sent a whole supply.
It is better to buy clothes and shoes during seasonal sales in specialized stores. Sometimes you can get quite decent things at ridiculous prices. But still, it will cost more than in Turkey or Cyprus. Simply, Israel is a rather expensive country. And I have doubts about the authenticity of the items. Once I decided to splurge on good jeans and took a pair for trying on in a very decent store. Out of an old Soviet habit (remember buying from black marketeers?), I began to carefully inspect the critical areas of the pants. And to my surprise, I found that on a pair of "Lee Cooper" jeans, in the crotch area, one of the required four buttons somehow had a "Levi Strauss" logo. In short, the purchase was a failure. The Israelis reassured me, explaining that most of the "brand name" stuff is made in the Gaza Strip. And no intifada interferes with Arab-Jewish trade friendship. I strongly recommend never buying anything at the markets. Prices there are below sea level, but the quality lasts exactly until the first wash. And you can get dish rags by other means. What's nice is that you can easily haggle both at markets and in all small shops. This works especially well if you know the language.
You are unlikely to buy good tea in a supermarket. You'll have to go to the market, to Georgians or Arabs - they won't deceive you there. You won't find decent coffee in a supermarket or shop either. There are, however, specialized coffee houses, but not everywhere and not always. Israelis mainly drink bagged tea and instant coffee, very often with milk. I still shudder at the word "nes" - they shove it under your nose at all business meetings and interviews.
Specifically for people from the Soviet Union, the Israeli food industry produces sour cream with increased fat content; on the shelves of self-respecting supermarkets there is always Ukrainian buckwheat, Riga sprats. In the so-called "Russian stores" you can easily find homemade cottage cheese, very thick sour cream, even salo. It's just that it will be boiled and tasteless. Therefore, the best present for relatives or friends is black bread baked in the Kiev style, Vinnytsia or Poltava salo, Lviv chocolate, and a carton of American cigarettes (the latter due to price). I don't advise taking caviar with you; there's plenty of it in the Promised Land. Same with vodka - any and every kind.
By the way, Israeli vodka is quite good. But I don't recommend drinking at work, before or immediately after. Firstly, even the smell of alcohol on your breath is grounds for immediate dismissal. Secondly, in that heat you could easily get a cerebral hemorrhage. And why would you want a dead body in the house, especially if it's you? And thirdly, why drink at all? You came to work, didn't you? So work in good health.
The clothing of most Israelis (due to the climate) is very simple - sandals, a T-shirt, and shorts. A separate matter is religious Jews, the so-called "Haredim": black suits, hats, long-sleeved shirts buttoned up to the Adam's apple. Women - always in hats, long dresses, and stockings. Such people live in separate neighborhoods. Many Israelis complain about their religious brethren, but in my opinion, they deserve respect. I'll say without a hint of irony: only a very strong faith would make you walk in forty-degree heat in black clothing with no ventilation option.
In the heat, sometimes it is absolutely necessary to sit in the shade of a tree and leisurely sip mineral water. But be careful. The fact is that all plants in cities - and grass is no exception - exist solely thanks to artificial watering. Maybe for this reason, or maybe for another, but if you carelessly sit on the grass, you can prick your... rear, in a word. And don't especially stroke a leaf sticking out on a branch or try to pick it - it's not out of the question that you'll cut your finger. Interestingly, in Arab cities and villages there is practically no greenery. I happened to visit Nazareth - the Jewish and Arab parts of the city can easily be distinguished by the abundance of greenery in the first and its complete absence in the second. But the private houses of the Arabs - that's something. Such villas - wow! Here the Jews can't compete.
A characteristic feature of Israel is the abundance of smiles on the streets, in offices, and in production facilities. And not only from the desire to sell profitably or please a client. People from the Soviet Union often consider such smiles fake, but in vain. Only self-confident people smile at strangers. Israelis are exactly that. Life in constant tension, in anticipation of war, has not made Jews nervous whiners afraid of every creak or sudden movement. On the contrary, people feel calm and confident. If only we could be like that.
Not only state services but also ordinary citizens are engaged in preventing terrorist attacks. There would be hundreds of times more explosions and casualties if Israelis did not carefully watch whether someone had left a suspicious-looking bag or package on the street. Things left unattended are an impossible phenomenon. The attitude towards every unclaimed package is more than serious. Several police cars and a special vehicle with sappers arrive with sirens and flashing lights, and the street is cordoned off. If this happens at a bus station or in an office, passengers, staff, and visitors are immediately evacuated and professionals take over.
My friend once lost her groceries, bought for the next few days, in this way. While waiting for a bus, she left several bags on a bench and went to a kiosk to buy a newspaper. When she returned, there was a cordon, her food left for a few minutes was already covered with an armored cap, and a substantial thud sounded... The steaks and vegetables were hopelessly ruined. The pleasant side of the process is that if there had been a real bomb in those bags, it would have been neutralized with no less efficiency.
Life in Israel teaches you to meekly untie your backpack straps or open your bag and show its contents to a security guard every time you visit a supermarket, bank, or public office. Upon returning to Ukraine, for a long time I would mechanically look for a security guard before entering any building, driven by the intention to show him the inside of my purse.
Fortunately, I have never had to find myself in a situation where Palestinians protest against something using the Arab folk pastime of throwing stones at living people. When television shows footage of Israeli police in bulletproof vests firing tear gas grenades at 'peaceful' protesters who are hurling half-kilogram stones at them, my sympathies are with the police. Because such a stone can easily smash a head.
If we vacation in Israel, Israelis vacation in Cyprus. It is there that they contract civil marriages. Israel itself has no institution of civil marriage sanctioned by the state. You can only start a family backed by a certificate by concluding a religious marriage. The canons of the Jewish religion provide that a legitimate marriage, from the point of view of that religion, is only between a Jew and a Jewess according to Halakha (the body of religious rules). Only individuals born to a Jewish mother are considered such Halakhic Jews. Since the number of mixed families, where the father is a Jew and the mother is a Ukrainian or Russian woman, increases every year, their children have to save money for a wedding trip to Cyprus. Later, such a marriage can be legalized in Israel itself.
Why are there many non-Jews in Israel from the point of view of religion? It is very simple. When the Law of Return was adopted, it was based on a rule according to which the right to repatriation and obtaining Israeli citizenship is given to anyone who had at least one of their grandparents be a Jew. This is a complete copy of the discriminatory provisions of the Nuremberg Laws, adopted by the Nazis in Germany in the 1930s of the last century.
From time to time, the Israeli public returns to discussing the Law of Return; many believe that in today's world there is no longer any need to grant citizenship to people who have only a distant connection to Jews. But every time, the memory of the catastrophe of European Jewry forces members of the Knesset (parliament) to postpone, on any pretext, consideration of the question of tightening legislation. In the opinion of Israelis—and it is hard to disagree with them—the mass destruction of Jews could have been avoided if in the 1930s and 1940s of the twentieth century the Jews had a state that could take in their brethren in the diaspora.
Jews have a very interesting and reverent attitude toward their country, one that is worth learning from and worth adopting. When speaking of Israel, Jews use the expression the Country (exactly so, with a capital letter). In Hebrew there is no expression 'to leave Israel' or 'to return to Israel.' They say: 'to go up to the Country' and 'to go down from the Country.'
A few years ago, you could bring any amount of cash into Israel—even a container with a billion dollars. It was beneficial for the country, since the money had to be placed in an account (opened without problems in 10-15 minutes at any branch of any bank) for legalization. And it began to work for Israel's economy. But in the end, Europe and the United States 'pressured' Israel into launching a fight against 'dirty' money, and for the past five years the amount of cash brought in has been limited, if I am not mistaken, to fifty thousand dollars.
Customs in Israel is polite and attentive, but it will shake out any hidden valuables and banknotes from you and your belongings. However, they will turn a blind eye to an extra carton of cigarettes or an over-limit bottle of vodka. And if you boldly go through the green corridor, without blushing, turning pale, or nervously fidgeting and dancing—you can smuggle anything through. But do you really need it?
It is better to fly to Israel from some Central European country or via Turkey. Because flying from Ukraine is more expensive. The fact is that at the dawn of independence, Ukraine and Israel concluded an air services agreement according to which only two airlines (one Israeli and one Ukrainian) have the right to carry passengers. And the Ukrainian side insisted on high ticket prices. And the Israelis do not mind either—who would refuse the opportunity to earn an extra penny without much effort? By the way, a plane ticket from Tel Aviv to Moscow is cheaper than to Kyiv.
Interestingly, a call from Israel to Ukraine costs five to six times less than the other way around. And it is simply impossible to explain that you have to pay for incoming calls. Israeli acquaintances keep calling my mobile and are terribly surprised when they learn that I have to pay for it, and more than they do.
Holidays in Israel are just as much a scourge as in Ukraine. Everything closes, everywhere. You can't buy anything, get anywhere, and there's no one to take it out on. Tradition. Those who are better off go to Eilat or Cyprus. The rest get barbecue grills from the mezzanines, take meat and charcoal bought in advance at the store, go to the nearest lawn—and grill, grill, grill, grill. And then they eat, eat, eat, eat. Israelis themselves joke that Israel has three national sports—eating, shopping, and promiscuous sex. They devote themselves to these pastimes with great eagerness and even some fanaticism.
A special subject is the so-called Levantine mentality. Israelis do not suffer from punctuality. Promising to do something tomorrow at exactly 11:00—that's easy. Not doing it is even easier. 'Mahar ba-boker' ('tomorrow morning') is a favorite excuse, and also a way to politely tell someone to get lost.
Municipal, that is, free, beaches in Israel will cause an acute attack of envy in any Odessite or Yevpatorian. Clean, with green grass framing the sand, free showers, toilets, and foot-washing taps - a pleasure. A completely different pleasure is to pay for the accompanying service in the form of umbrellas, loungers, and daybeds. A bottle of water brought by a briskly running beach vendor will cost you two or even three times more than the same one bought in advance, on the way to the sea.
By the way, the Mediterranean Sea is very different from the Black Sea. At any moment, really big waves can rise. And the sand on which you stood in water warmed to the temperature of morning semolina porridge is simply washed out from under your feet. And the Mediterranean water tastes a bit more bitter than the Azov or Black Sea water.
Israelis get into the water only when it warms up to about thirty degrees. People from the Union or tourists can be easily recognized by their splashing around in twenty-degree water. A native Israeli will not get into such "insanely cold" water. Even for money. No, of course, if you offer him a hundred and fifty shekels...
For a long time it seemed to me that only "Russians" (as all people from the former USSR are called abroad) get into unheated water. But no. There is another people ready to compete with us in the persistent desire to conquer the elements. These are Americans. But there is still a difference. If ours get into the cold sea out of bravado, then Americans - because they were told on TV that summer has come. And how can one not believe what was said on TV?
One can talk about Israel endlessly. Every mountain, hill, any square meter of land is living history. Jaffa, Caesarea, Tiberias, Nazareth and, of course, Jerusalem - every city deserves a detailed description. It is interesting to work and live in Israel. The natives, who at first seemed prickly like cacti (they even call themselves sabras, that is, cacti), at some point suddenly open up from a completely different side and turn out to be sensitive neighbors and loyal friends. And a colleague at work - a "terrible" Arab with an incomprehensible mentality - is in fact a joker and a sweetheart, and also a graduate of the Kharkov Medical Institute.
Indeed, it is worth going to Israel. And even if you suddenly do not manage to make friends with Israelis, things do not work out with work, or the hotel service does not suit you, do not be upset. I assure you that the most pleasant thing about traveling is returning home. To where the most fragrant bread and the most delicious water always are.