Let us reveal a secret: having sensed Western Europeans' attraction to attractive and thrifty Slavic women, an enterprising woman from Uzhhorod even set up her own marriage agency and began introducing Ukrainian and Russian women to Swiss men. She says it is still a hobby, she earns almost nothing. However, seven married couples have already used her services. Alla agreed to tell the readers of "Zagranitsa" about how to succeed.
"It may happen that you are the one I am looking for..."
- I warn right away that my recipe for marrying abroad is not universal. Every woman, as a highly sensitive creature, should rely primarily on her own feelings. But you can use the knowledge I have gained and avoid making a blunder in communicating with foreign men. Especially since it is always pleasant to talk about marriage, which is a completely natural desire.
If you are looking for a foreign fiancé, then, of course, you should start with getting acquainted. No matter how beautiful and intelligent a woman is, it is useless to think that after the first call a handsome and rich man will appear before her. To achieve the goal, you need to be ready for long work and, no matter how trite it sounds, considerable material expenses.
There are two most common ways of getting acquainted. The first is via the Internet, the second is through a marriage agency. First I will tell about the one I used.
When choosing to meet via the World Wide Web, keep in mind that you will have to spend two or three hours on the Internet at least twice a week, and therefore have free access to it. You should find out as many e-mail addresses of men looking for wives abroad as possible. For this, publications in newspapers or on websites are used. You don't need to pay for these addresses, but only take into account those in which the candidate clearly states his intention to get married. If a man seeks "friendship contacts" or "entertainment" – he is not for you. Having started correspondence, you should be patient and prudent: in no case "do not spur the horses" (i.e., don't rush), but also do not stoop to formal replies.
Be patient and approach the matter with all the seriousness you are capable of. Sincerity and completeness of stories about yourself are important (and it is not at all necessary to indicate that you are corresponding with someone else). What you did today and what you will do, plans for the near future, hobbies, impressions from read books – everything will do. Your frankness will evoke the same feeling in your partner, and you will get to know each other better and make the choice easier.
Of course, this cost me both time and money: I spent about $100 a month on translation services, sending partners two letters a week (translating one letter cost five hryvnias). In order not to forget the contents of previous letters, I put them in a folder and kept copies of my sent letters. And I kept a card index for each man, because otherwise there is no hope of success.
Choosing grooms: from meeting to meeting
One or one and a half months of correspondence is quite enough to plan a personal meeting. If the partner does not make such an offer, you can gently push him by writing that you would not mind seeing each other. If a man postpones the meeting for later, say goodbye to him forever, thanking him for his attention to you. He is not your cup of tea. In the case of a positive answer (or if the partner himself offered to meet), indicate the place and time you would like. Arranging a meeting requires considerable funds, so shift this burden onto the partner. Costs will consist of travel, visa processing, and also courses for learning the basics of the language in which you will communicate. Having drawn up an estimate of your expenses under these items, ask your partner to send exactly that amount of money. You need to be honest and not overstate the amount. However, you should take care of a small reserve in case something unforeseen happens (for example, the partner did not arrive and you had to pay for the hotel yourself).
The hotel, of course, is booked by the partner, but given that it will be one two-room suite for two, do not forget to warn the "groom" in your letter that you will sleep in different rooms. For him, this option is much cheaper, and you do not lose anything. It is better not to proceed to physical intimacy during the days of acquaintance; devote all your time to studying each other's characters.
The way of finding a husband through a marriage agency is easier in that in this case others do the rough work for you. They look for a husband for you, either using your personal data or by meeting you personally and compiling a "character reference". But in both cases, you should take care of high-quality photos. Emphasize your advantageous features, but do not forget about restraint in clothing, hairstyle, and poses. In the absence of other data, the photo is the main source of information about you, so pay special attention to it. Trust only professionals and take photos in a studio.
Financier - with whims, farmer - with appetites
Always and in everything remember: you are looking for a partner, not a man for entertainment. So treat the matter with all the seriousness you are capable of. It is personal communication that allows you to find out details without which it is impossible to determine whether you suit each other. Over two years, I had to correspond with 83 partners and have 53 personal meetings on "neutral" territory (most often it was Budapest, sometimes Kyiv). With some candidates I met several times.
There were also very rich men among the suitors for my hand, but I rejected their proposals. This happened precisely after personal meetings. One American, a 32-year-old banker, could not understand why I did not agree to marry him. So I had to hint transparently what did not suit me about him: during a trip to the Petrivka book market, I bought and gave him a thick book titled "Etiquette." Apparently, it helped him because he began to treat me more attentively: let me go ahead when entering premises, speak more correctly, eat without wild sounds in the restaurant, and so on. That American, although he was very wealthy, the son of the owner of a bank chain, and I parted ways. It is a deceptive idea that the main thing is marriage, and character flaws or certain peculiarities that do not suit you can be corrected over time.
Unknown girlfriends, keep in mind that you are not only choosing, but also being chosen. Therefore, be prepared for an age that is not entirely acceptable to you, and unexpected demands from a partner. Men look for a life partner abroad, as a rule, after attempts to find one in their own country end in failure. There may be many reasons for this, but the result is one: foreign men at least 35 years old are counting on you, young and beautiful. For the most part, one should add another five to ten years to this age. An uneven marriage, you will say. A forced necessity, I will answer. In the West, people rarely marry in their youth; they devote many years to their careers and building a material base for existence. Whoever has created it is already advanced in years, and this must be accepted.
Now about how you choose and how you are chosen. Very often, when it comes to German-speaking countries, in particular Switzerland, Germany, and Austria, farmers offer marriage to our compatriots. Here, women with children have high chances: owners of farms hope for child help in the household. It should be kept in mind that in these cases, women have to lead a "down-to-earth" way of life. Many are not afraid of this, which is entirely justified.
In the Old World, far from poor men marry women from Eastern and Central European countries. These women have quite high cultural and everyday needs, which is explained by their education and proper upbringing. To marry a Ukrainian, Russian, or Belarusian woman, one must have a fat wallet, because foreigners spend over $10 thousand just on processing all necessary documents and relocation. In addition, they should be ready for full maintenance of the wife in the future, because usually they stay at home and do not work (they need retraining, perfect language proficiency, etc.). Swiss laws are designed in such a way that if both spouses are employed, the amount of taxes paid increases sharply, social benefits decrease, so it is advantageous not to work.
If after a personal meeting you have decided not in favor of the partner, inform him in writing after returning home. Do not put off the separation indefinitely, but still one or two farewell letters will help preserve a good memory of you. Thank the partner for the affection, the meaningful time spent together, and put an end to it.
Prepare for the role of "maid" and "mommy"
Many Ukrainian women consider marriage abroad the embodiment of paradise. I hasten to disappoint: men are the same here and there, so they look for a "maid" and "mommy" as a life companion. Men in the West cannot enslave their compatriots because they are too emancipated. Moreover, if each member of a typical Western couple keeps and spends their own money separately, then in marriage with our women it is often the opposite. Prepare yourself for the wallet being controlled only by the husband, and you will be able to spend only what is included in the list of planned expenses.
The role assigned to a female immigrant is to put things in order in the house (though a hired cleaner is not excluded). Despite these chores, you will also have a lot of free time. So, first, find yourself an activity for leisure. Second, even before marriage, discuss with your husband the degree of freedom you will need for normal well-being. You should be able, for example, to visit a friend or take a walk in a big city if you live in a small town or village. The number of such free days per week or month is also often determined in advance. Third, do not forget to clarify the amount of money your husband will give you for pocket expenses. If it seems small, you can "bargain." I, for instance, receive on average 60 Swiss francs a week for these needs (the dollar to franc ratio is 1 to 1.3), and that is enough.
Weaknesses of men -
women's salvation
Life with a foreign husband "there" is not too different from how it happens here. Marriage is always a compromise in which the parties are ready for mutual concessions. It is nothing but a balancing act between "I want" and "I can."
One must accept the role of a housewife who does laundry and cooks food, albeit with the help of various modern machines, and not see a tragedy in it. To compensate for your "losses," take care of hobbies that your husband will have to "sponsor" in order to be in harmony with you in all respects. Let us use, my dear ones, men's weaknesses!
A woman must protect her little island of freedom, and if she has yielded a piece of her territory, she must take payment for it. The latter can be in the form of small gifts (flowers, perfumes) as well as more expensive ones (clothes, tourist trips). Here one should show tact and take into account the man's financial situation so as not to hurt his pride.
Women who grew up and were raised under a different system find the function of marriage contracts incomprehensible. One should be especially careful with them, because all your efforts can turn into nothing at any moment. They describe all property owned by the spouses and the obligations of its members to each other in the event of a family breakup. Since our compatriots have very little property and few rights in a foreign country, it is better for them not to sign such documents. In any case, never sign contracts without consulting a lawyer. I, for example, refused to sign even under the threat of canceling the wedding, which was to take place in three days. And now I recall this moment of my biography not without self-respect.
Much can be said about how Alex and I live. Do I feel happy? Absolutely. I have prosperity and respect from my husband, I love him. But I would not dare advise all women to follow my path in search of personal happiness. Everyone has their own idea of happiness, as well as requirements for partners. My mother, by the way, at her own age of over 50, did not pass the 'test' with a foreign suitor. She could not come to terms with the restrictions imposed on her by her family and the norms of a foreign society. Accustomed to managing her own life, she did not want even nominally another master in it. She did not even stay half of the term allowed by the visa and left her Swiss 'suitor', returning home to Uzhhorod. Perhaps my mother was harmed by the age at which people are unable to change and adapt. I am not like that, everything works out differently for me. And I am happy.
P.S. At the ceremony of awarding Alla a master's diploma from Uzhhorod National University, her husband was also present: a successful businessman and engineer specially came for this from Switzerland. Her friends had the opportunity to see that the young woman who persistently searched for a husband abroad did not miss the mark. In conclusion, it remains only to add that the name and surname of our heroine are indeed not real, but invented. The author changed them for ethical reasons. Everything else is the pure truth.