"We Lived in Hell, and Now We're in Heaven"
Svetlana and Artyom were an ordinary young Moscow family: he was a mid-level manager, she an accountant at a small firm, they lived in a one-bedroom apartment in the Taganka area, earned an "average market" salary, took out loans for a car and another consumer loan for apartment renovations.
"We had to live just to pay the bills: rent, loan payments, car maintenance, and a vacation once a year if we had enough money. We lived paycheck to paycheck for months and years, calculating the family budget, stuck in traffic jams, crushed in the subway – recalls Svetlana. – In principle, hundreds, thousands, even millions of people live according to a similar scheme. What was most depressing was that we didn't see any particular prospects."
No sharp career growth was expected. The couple tried to start a business but soon concluded that being an entrepreneur in Russia is even harder than being an employee. "In the end, we decided to leave Russia for the other side of the world – New Zealand. We sorted out all the formalities, sold the apartment and all our belongings, and flew off with two suitcases light," says Svetlana.
Now the couple has been living in New Zealand for five years. With the money from the sale of the apartment, they bought a decent house in a picturesque suburb of Tauranga. "From our windows we can see the Pacific Ocean, and at night we hear it roaring," says Svetlana. She doesn't work, manages the household, and Artyom uses his website and social media to find tourists who want to visit New Zealand, helps them buy tickets, rent accommodation, and provides guide services.
"We are not rich, we still don't have big money, but what my husband earns is enough for a modest but fulfilling life. We live free, we don't owe anyone anything. We have our own homestead: a vegetable garden where I plant vegetables, a few fruit trees, chickens. So if there's no work, we won't starve. Our current life cannot even be compared to our previous one: we lived in hell, and now we're in heaven," says Svetlana.
Commentary by psychologists Dmitry Ershov and Elena Bakhareva:
"In the city, caught in a rhythm imposed from outside, people often suffer from not having time for what they like and what they always dreamed of doing. Of course, in such cases, one can overcome one's 'family' depression without resorting to such drastic measures as moving to the other side of the world, but in the end they did the right thing: the changes are for the better, they like it, which means they did everything right.
Although maybe someone will read this story and think that life there is not entirely cloudless either; it all depends on how one looks at this situation. But the combination of factors definitely speaks in favor of their move.
As for the risks that Svetlana and Artyom might face in their new life, they are the same as if they lived in Moscow or anywhere else. The main thing is how the person themselves relates to these risks and whether they are afraid of them. You need to understand that we come into this world naked and leave naked. Everything acquired will be given back."
"I Can't Be Idle All Day"
When Olga married a musician, she understood she was dealing with a creative and emotional person. She, an economist by education, saw life in a somewhat different light and was more pragmatic, but at first this didn't hinder family life at all. However, a year ago, her cheerful and carefree musician husband seemed to be replaced. "He became withdrawn, constantly thinking intensely about something," recalls Olga. Eventually, Yegor told his wife that he could no longer live in "crazy" Moscow.
"He talked about rejecting others' goals, that he wanted to go to Goa and engage in spiritual self-improvement there. He presented me with an ultimatum: either you come with me, or I go alone. He wouldn't compromise on anything." In the end, Olga gave in to her husband's persuasion, quit her beloved job, the couple quickly rented out their apartment near the park by Voykovskaya metro station, and departed for the Indian Ocean coast, where they have been living for a year.
Yegor is happy with everything, but Olga, who initially did not want to lead such a "vegetable" lifestyle, finds it very burdensome. "The money we get from renting out the apartment is enough to deny ourselves nothing. We rent a wonderful two-story house on the ocean shore, surrounded by gorgeous nature, but I can't be idle all day, I'm literally going crazy from it. I miss my family, my friends, I dream of Moscow's traffic jams and frosts," says Olga.
When she urges him to return to Moscow, Yegor refuses because he likes everything: he does yoga, reads, plays guitar, has found like-minded musicians, and they write music together. Olga doesn't know what to do: on one hand, she loves her husband and wouldn't want to lose him; on the other hand, she is burdened by this lifestyle and wants to return home.
Commentary by psychologists Dmitry Ershov and Elena Bakhareva:
"Olga loves her husband, and women are ready to make concessions in the name of love – whether right or wrong, she could not have acted differently in this situation. Now they need to think together about how to preserve the family and their relationship: someone must compromise. There are no easy solutions here. Olga could try returning to Moscow for a while and decide. Perhaps she has simply forgotten what it's like?
In fact, doing nothing is a relative concept. She has the same choice of activities as in Russia, and she herself can choose what to do in this new life here and now. For now, idleness is her own choice. If she doesn't like it, let her do something: work in charitable organizations, study local culture, juggling, music, painting, raising children, after all."
Maybe it's time to think about it? By the way, supporting your husband in his creative work is a worthy thing for a good wife of a creative man.”
Continued: A few stories about downshifting – 2
Vera KRAMSKIKH.
